Don't Give Away the End

How the Heck. . .?

2006-08-21T19:01:00.000-07:00

Wow, this is going to be hard. How do people do it? And I'm single! No kids! Responsible only for myself! I don't see how people go to seminary while they have families. I'm feeling overwhelmed and I don't have to come home and cook dinner for anyone, or take kids to soccer practice, or help kids with homework, or be attentive to a husband, etc. My goodness. I really admire the ones with families who do it. I admire those who are married without kids who do it, too.

Orientation started today, and I'm very excited about the people here. It feels refreshing after Greek to have some new faces around. I'm so thankful, because I was getting quite worried that I wouldn't have many friends here at all.

And it was exciting to talk about field education, cross-cultural experiences, etc. A little annoying to realize how much more money you're expected to spend on a requirment that must be met this year. . .but the possibilities are exciting. Right now, I'm thinking about either 10 days in Appalachia or 10 days in rural Wisconsin living with logging and farming families. Both of those experiences would give me something new to experience. Not sure what I'll choose yet, and of course the Latin America and Mexico opportunities always appeal to me. Though I've done that before, so I think I should try something new. We'll see.

Dad was here all day yesterday and left today. I was sad when he left--good thing I had to be back at orientation, so I didn't have a chance to sit around by myself and be sad. :(

I'm going to bed. . .I'm exhausted. Goodnight, all.

2006-08-18T17:39:00.000-07:00

My visit to Tennessee was wonderful. Just what I needed. Now I'm back in the SC prepping for classes to start next week. I already miss Trish and Rich, but I'll be back again for Labor Day!

Trish and I found a beautiful lake and sat on a bridge for a while talking. This was one of my favorite moments of the visit. We decided to take pictures of our reflections in the water. Here's me, and--

--here's Trishy!

And here's Richie. . .um. . ."studying." :)

Dad's coming tomorrow night! I'll only get to see him for about a day (sad), but it's better than nothing. Later, friends!

Done and Done

2006-08-11T10:47:00.000-07:00

Tetelestai! Eucharisto! / It is finished! I give thanks!

(I couldn't for the life of me find the actual Greek words for the above--ones I could easily copy and paste, that is--so the pronunciation will have to do.)

I can't believe summer Greek is over. These last few weeks flew by. I'm excited, though. It feels reallllly good to be done. I will miss our Presby friends--Ed and Clark in particular. It felt like the end of a summer at camp. . .saying goodbye to friends with whom you've spent 7 weeks working together on the same thing. Just like when I said goodbye after 7 or 8 weeks at camp four years ago. Except this time, I only said goodbye to a few people rather than 20!

This morning in chapel, we sang a bunch of our favorite hymns. It was glorious. I of course got kinda emotional, since singing with a group of people who 1) know and love hymns just as I do, and 2) can sing beautifully in harmony, is like a slice of heaven on earth. . .a piece of what is to come, I believe.

I'm spending the next couple of days getting some "chores" done that I've neglected the past few weeks. A lot of people here at seminary are going home this week (we have a 10-day break before orientation), and, while I suppose I could hop in the car and drive to Texas, I don't think it'd be worth it to stay only a few days. So it makes me sad to hear people joyfully packing their cars and talking of homecomings. . .

But instead of being sad, I've decided to hop in the car and drive to the other "T" state to visit my Trishy and her Richie! I'm so ready to see them and their new home in Sewanee! It'll be a great way to relax, I think, and we've really missed each other lately. It'll be wonderful to be with a friend who's known me for a long time. She and I are making great friends at our respective new locations, but there's always something about being with people who already really know you. . .

Have a good one, friends!

I Am So Dadgum Southern

2006-08-06T16:56:00.000-07:00

I love sweet tea. And everywhere you go here, when you order tea, it's always sweet tea. It's not like that in TX. But here, oh yes. Sweet tea is the default. Mmmmmm.

Five Sixteen

2006-08-05T14:02:00.000-07:00

On to other things:

Books for the fall semester, if purchased at the bookstore, will cost roughly $500. This is why I never buy from the bookstore. Sure, I know they need business and I of course want to support the Lutheran bookstore, but c'mon. . .I don't care what shape a book is in--as long as it's readable, I'll use it. So I don't need a brand new book. And I definitely don't need a $50 new book. This is why I use half.com for all of my textbook purchases. I've already ordered half of my books for less than $100. Yessss. The only thing that sucks is paying for shipping, but it's still way cheaper than buying at the bookstore. There are so many books in this world that have been used only once or twice, and these will work perfectly for my purposes here. I think the people at the bookstore get a little peeved when I walk in and begin writing all of the textbook names and authors down on my little list. . .they know what I'm up to. But a consumer has the right to choose where she's going to buy her books, now, doesn't she?

I have a few weeks before the fall semester starts and about a month until I plan to start working (location TBD). I've never worked off-campus while going to school. In college, I was an RA, which was a wonderful job because I never left campus for 'work.' And don't get me wrong--it was definitely work. But fun work. And work that didn't really mess with my schedule all that much. Now I'm sending my resume off for part-time positions in the area, and I'm not sure how working while going to grad school full-time will fly. But I honestly have no choice if I'm going to have any spending money whatsoever. We'll see. . .

All I can say is, I really miss regular paychecks. Life is so different when you have to think carefully about whether or not you can afford to make a run to Wendy's for dinner. . . :)

It's raining and I plan to sit at the dining room table and translate Bible passages all afternoon. And the crazy thing is, this sounds like fun to me! What a nerd. :) I went out last night with some peeps from seminary and had a blast. I'm glad I decided to do that--I'm usually one who prefers quiet nights at home to going out, but I needed to get out last night.

Okay, enough. Have a good evenin', friends!

Listen Up, Boys

2006-08-03T12:41:00.000-07:00

I have a beautiful, funny, smart, friendly, outgoing, beautiful, flirty, fun, exciting, and (for the third time) beautiful friend who has been on my mind and heart lately in regards to her recent personal life situations. And I'm sure she won't mind me blogging about it. ;) You see, several guys in the past year have flirted with her, told her they liked her, even hinted at starting a relationship with her. But they never follow through. They're too scared to tell her the truth--which is, sadly and for reasons unbeknownst maybe even to them, that they don't want to be in a relationship with her. . .at least, not now. Ouch.

One of my favorite books, He's Just Not That Into You, helped me finally make some sense out of weird male behavior that I had experienced, and also has helped me look past the stupid excuses that most guys make to girls. I have a few things I'd like to share with you guys out there, and please make note of them so you won't break a girl's heart.
(By the way, I know that most of you guys don't mean to hurt girls--you're not intentional about it--but regardless, a girl's emotions often get involved way more than you would ever imagine. . .so even if you don't mean to hurt her, you still probably are doing so. In order to avoid this as best you can, please read on):

* If you have a crush on a girl, it's fine to tell her. It's sweet, really. But know that if you tell her this, she's already beginning to think that something will follow that admission (e.g., a date, the beginning of a relationship). If you don't know for a fact--if you're not 100% sure-- that a relationship with her is what you want, then don't mention anything romantic to her. Just don't. Leave her be. There's someone better for her out there. . .someone who IS 100% sure that he wants to date her and can't wait to do so once you get out of the way.

* If you tell a girl you're going to call her, do it. If you know you're not going to call her, don't tell her you will call her. That way, she can avoid wasting time and tears on you and move on to find the man of her dreams who will call her. . .and better yet, can't wait to talk to her. It's so simple, guys. And yet you still fail to learn this simple rule.

* If you're currently in a relationship in which you're just "passing time until something better comes along," get the hell out of it. Let the girl go so she can find someone better for her. . .someone who would never use her as a substitute until something better comes along. If you're unsure about a girl for a long period of time, then you're probably not into her. Don't wait until you're sure about it--if there's one thought of uncertainty, then you're probably not sure.* Let her be happy with someone who's confident about how he feels for her.

* It pretty much all boils down to this: Cut the crap, guys. It's fun for us to flirt and attract your attention and all. . .but for most of us girls, we always want something more. There's a need deep down inside of us that craves what can only happen in a relationship--connection, consistency, etc. Even if we say that we don't want a relationship, I personally believe that all girls (and guys, too, for that matter) wouldn't pass up the opportunity for one if they found someone whom they really wanted to be with. So unless you really want to be with us, don't play games. Don't send us mixed signals. Don't be flirty, but then tell us that your job is really demanding, thus leaving you no time for a relationship, blah blah blah. You will avoid some uncomfortable talks with girls if you just let them be. Because eventually they're going to ask, "So. . .what's up with us?" and you will hang your head and think, "Crap. What the hell have I gotten myself into?" It can all be avoided if you follow my simple guidelines.

Guys, we really do like flirting with (most of) you and we really don't think that (most of) you are jerks. . .but we do think you could use some help relating to us. I am fully aware that girls are guilty of committing the same atrocities that I warn you not to, so I maintain that I am not "guy-bashing" here. However, since I am a girl, and have had many a conversation with girlfriends about guys (and have experienced my share of lameness from guys), I write from a girls' perspective. Forgive me. :)

Oh, and to my single friends (namely, my dear B): There are amazing guys out there who will stop at nothing to be with you. My skepticism and bitterness from failed dates and relationships in the past has been slowly chipped away by someone who has given me the things that I'd practically given up on. Though I think us girls might always carry some of the pain of broken relationships from our past, I have come to believe that one's faith in love can be renewed. You will be loved. (cue: "She Will be Loved" by Maroon 5 )

Ladies, if you think of anything to add to the "guidelines," feel free to contribute!

Lots of love to ALL my readers, male and female. . .

____
*I don't think a relationship is doomed if one or both parties are unsure about it at some point. In fact, I think it's bound to happen--and maybe even should happen. It's healthy to be critical about what you have versus what you want, etc. But when the nagging feeling of uncertainty lasts longer than it needs to (and only you can be the judge of how long that is for you), then it's time to move on.

"Unless the languages remain, the Gospel must finally perish."

2006-07-28T12:18:00.000-07:00

Two more weeks of Greek left. . .well, of this class, that is. I'll be using my Greek for a long time after this (or at least, that's the plan--whether it actually happens or not will be revealed at a later date). And I'm actually looking forward to our Pauline Studies and Greek Readings courses, etc. because that's where the real interpretation and debate will happen!

The New Testament is full of things that could be disputed. For instance, when we translate from Greek to English the phrase "the love of God," it could mean two things: 1) God's love for us, or 2) our love for God. Well, which is it? When something is stated like, "the love of God will save us," which meaning does it take? I tend to think more of #1 than #2, but perhaps it's a combination of both? Very interesting, and this leads to much theological discussion and even debate among translators. I like Martin Luther's words regarding the importance of learning the original languages of the Bible:

"In proportion then as we value the gospel, let us zealously hold to the languages. For it was not without purpose that God caused his Scriptures to be set down in these two languages alone--the Old Testament in Hebrew, the new in Greek. Now if God did not despise them but chose them above all others for his word, then we too ought to honor them above all the others. . .And let us be sure of this: we will not long preserve the gospel without the languages. The languages are the sheath in which this sword of the Spirit is contained; they are the casket in which this jewel is enshrined; they are the vessel in which this wine is held. . ."
(from "To the Councilmen of all Cities in Germany that they Establish and Maintain Christian Schools")

Cool thoughts. I highly doubt that I would ever study Greek if I were not required to in seminary, but now I'm encouraging all of my friends to take it at some point in life. It opens up the doors to an ancient language written by ancient church fathers--I like to imagine Paul (or another author, depending on which book I'm reading) writing what I'm reading and it just feels cool. And, as many probably know, Paul was one fiery personality, so his writings have an entirely fresh feel when read in Greek. For example, in Philippians 3:8, Paul talks about how he considers everything in his life a loss because he gains Christ. He refers to all other things that do not represent Christ in his life as "rubbish." I learned today (from a friend, not the prof, so maybe I'm mistaken. . .) that the word Paul used that has been translated into English as "rubbish" was actually the Greek word that is pronounced "scuba," which literally means "shit." Strong words! He considers everything shit so that he may gain Christ! Reminds me of Luther, another strong-worded theologian, who once said that we humans are shit covered with snow. Em and I used to playfully argue about that; I love it because it's very true, and it emphasizes grace rather than our worthiness.

Anyway. Tonight should be a somewhat quiet evening, which will be nice. Then tomorrow I'm going to see Robby Rob. :) Can't wait. Hope all is well with you, my friends!

2006-07-21T12:36:00.000-07:00

I miss my family. I wish I could go home this weekend, but alas, I am 17 hours away. Or something like that. Suck. This is a familiar feeling. . .I seem to remember feeling lonely like this right after I moved to Austin after college. At least this time I'm in school and have made some friends already, but some days it hits that I don't have anyone to call up and go to dinner with, or shop with, or watch a movie with. And I don't have my sister around anymore to spend an entire Friday evening watching Sex & the City episodes with (which is what I feel like doing tonight).

Everyone who I want to see is too far away right now.

I found a new musician of whom I am a fan. Check out Josh Ritter. Met him at Starbucks and fell in love. . .um, with his music, that is. ;)

Later.

The Guy & The Girl: Adventures at Kure Beach, NC

2006-07-16T14:03:00.000-07:00

Dinner at Jack Mackerel's--a happenin' little islandy/toursity spot. Rob's favorite beach drink is a pina colada (yes, he's a girl), which he had already enjoyed by the time this picture was taken.

We went to the end of Highway 421, where we saw some deer, a lighthouse, and a scuttling crab. We like the word 'scuttle.' It's fun.

You can't tell from this picture, but the waves were vicious! I was knocked down several times (not to mention dragged on my knees, which resulted in some nasty sand scrape-age). Robby, however, had fun riding the waves. He's in the pictured wave somewhere. Can you find him? :)

A fisherman on the pier caught a baby shark!

I decided that, if I ever had a pet pelican, I would call him "Pelly." Rob thought this was silly. But I don't care. This reminds me of when my brother got a parakeet and I wanted to name him "Pecker." I had no idea why my dad was laughing.

Yep, we are pretty cute. :)

And now, back to Greek, back to school. . .bleh. I wish our little "vacay" could've lasted a bit longer, but that's life, I guess. Hope life is good for all of my readers! Lots of love to you.

ABCs and 123s

2006-07-06T19:11:00.000-07:00

Dang, does anyone ever blog anymore? I guess I can't talk, since my posts have become less regularly scheduled. . .and since I don't have time to read blogs anyway, I should shut up. :)

So what's up in the durrrty South with Lorena, you ask? Well, Greek is a fascinating yet very difficult language to learn. I made an A on my first test, though! I've made some great friends already and looking forward to meeting more who join us in August. I'm tired and looking forward to resting a lot this weekend. I seriously spend 8+ hours each weekday either studying or in class. . .I eat, sleep, and breathe Greek. I didn't realize that my brain could work like this; at the end of 7 weeks, I should be fairly competent at reading and translating an ancient language. Every night, I'm cramming more vocab in my head, and I'm amazed that it's all still in there (for the most part). Very interesting.

I saw some Austin folks this week--a family from SOTH was in town and I spent time with them and their extended family. Tons of cousins, aunts, and uncles. . .I felt like part of the family, and it was really sweet.

I found a book at Cokesbury that intrigued me, so I ordered it online and started reading it today. It's called If Grace is True: Why God Will Save Every Person. Good timing, considering the fact that Rob and I were discussing something along these lines this past week. For the most part, he and I have very similar theological opinions and ideas. . .but the whole idea of this book causes a lot of discussion between us. I find that I agree more and more with the idea that God will save every person, which some Christians might say is 'radical.' But I don't care--I think that's what God is: radical. If grace is really true, then what does that mean? How will that change our lives? How will that change the world? I'm curious to see how this book (written by two well-known Quaker ministers) will affect/encourage my thoughts. . .

I lead chapel next week for the first time. . .and of course I'm assigned to the very first day! At least I have a partner, and at least my classmates aren't too intimidating. . . :) Of course, I wouldn't be in seminary if I weren't comfortable leading worship. But oftentimes, there hasn't been an accompanist, which means I'd have to lead the hymns a-capella. . .we'll see how it goes!

Later, friends.

So Long

2006-06-23T10:12:00.000-07:00

Yay! I have the internet in my apartment! I am a happy camper. . .or happy seminarian. . .whatever.

I just dropped Em off at the Charlotte airport and was fighting back tears as I hugged her goodbye. What a sap, I know. We just had a blast this week, and I have no more visitors from Texas for a while. I won't see Emily til Christmas, which is really weird. We've never gone that long without seeing each other, I don't think. It's kinda like she symbolizes a lot of what home means to me. Em's always been there for me, and her visits have always been easier and a lot more frequent than they will be now. . .

But I'm not going to wallow in my sorrows because it's not like we don't have the phone and e-mail. I'm so thankful for her friendship--since 6th grade! This girl is a friend for life. We've stuck by each other through junior high, high school and college. . .we've suffered thru horrible relationships and celebrated the wonderful ones. . .we've grown up, but not apart. And the best part is, we laugh pretty much all the time. I love mi mejor amiga!

I noticed that I have a "Texas ego" that shows itself when I have people visiting from Texas. Em and I were laughing yesterday because we went to the state capital building here and I kept talking about the Texas Capital and how it's so much bigger and better. What a Texas nerd! I guess you don't realize how much Texas pride you have until you leave.

I've decided that Charleston is definitely a place I will be taking friends who come visit. It's way cooler than Columbia, and it's only an hour and a half away! Em and I went there for a day, and it's got the beach plus a bunch of historical stuff. Very cool.

I start Greek on Monday. For now, I'm going to take a nap and finish decorating my apartment. I don't know how regular my posts will be from now on, but I'm going to try to keep this up. It's been too fun to let go, even if no one reads it. . .

Love!

I Have Arrived

2006-06-19T09:20:00.000-07:00

No internet in the apartment yet, but soon. I've been finding my way to the necessary locations (i.e., Starbucks) and spending the night on my air mattress in the middle of the living room. :) Moving--ain't nothin' like it.

I spent four lovely days with Rob, which definitely was a nice distraction from my boring, empty apartment. It's also not as fun when you don't know anyone on campus. In a few weeks, I think things will be a lot different. I just don't know anyone yet. And I don't have the internet yet. I should be okay without the internet, I really should. But what can I say? I'm not. :)

Hope all is well everywhere else. Stay cool.

It's the Little Things. . .

2006-06-07T09:33:00.000-07:00

I went to see Becky yesterday, who is up here in Arlington with some of her middle school kids. She had told them I was coming, so when I walked into the hotel pool area, they all yelled, "HI LAUREN!!" I immediately thought, "This is the kind of stuff I'm going to miss." It'll be a long time before I hear kids yell my name in that we're-excited-you're-here kinda way. And even when I do again, it won't be quite the same as when the SOTH kids yelled it. I was loved just because I'm me. There aren't a lot of relationships here on earth that are that genuine.

It's the little things. Yesterday, I told my dad that "my kids" are going to camp next week. . .then I stopped and realized that they're going with Mark, not me. They're not "my kids" anymore. Youth ministers always refer to the kids at church as their kids. And I can't anymore. It might sound ridiculous to be sad about, but that realization made me pretty depressed for a bit.

It still feels like I'll be headed back to work next week. It doesn't feel like it's over. But it is. And I'm excited about what lies ahead. But I have a feeling that little things will pop up every now and then that will remind me why it was so hard to say goodbye.

And of course, leaving Becky last night was hard, too. I will miss laying around and chatting about all sorts of things. . .she's precious to me. It still doesn't feel like we won't have that time anymore. I will not see her until sometime this fall. That is too weird.

Sorry if my blog feels sad and depressing lately. But life is in transition right now and I'm reflecting on it.

I'm gonna go take a shower and spend some time reading by the pool! Time to get out of the house and relax. . .

Heavy

2006-06-05T13:51:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was one of the hardest days of my life. I usually make fun when other people say that kind of stuff, because really--was it actually, out of all the days of your life, one of the hardest?

Yes, it was. Saying goodbye to another family, a place I've called home. . .it's rough stuff.

But a new part of life awaits me. . .so here goes!

Oh, I cut my first record this weekend. hee hee--I just like to talk like a rockstar. I'm really not. But check out my new MySpace music page if you're interested!

Love to all.

Cloudy Day

2006-05-31T09:44:00.000-07:00

Sometimes there are moments when everything hits you and you wonder where exactly you are going and WHY?

I had one of those moments last night and I'm still sitting in it. My eyes are puffy from crying and every once in a while, they get watery all over again. Miscommunication with movers, reconciling with the fact that I will be living at or below the poverty line for the next four years (yeah, it hadn't really hit me yet until now), thinking of all that I'm leaving behind, sitting across from longtime friends over dinner and soaking in the memories of each friend and each conversation. . .everything is hitting me at once and I feel like I'm sinking. . .

But I will follow where God leads because that's all I can do. I still know that this is right, but just because it's right doesn't mean it will be easy. In fact, because it's right it may be super hard at times. But if a seminarian can't trust that God provides, then who can? I have my health, my family, and my friends by my side. All in all, life is good and just where it needs to be. In a month, I'll be immersed in a new life. I just have to trudge through all the ugliness in between then and now. . .

I'll get there.

How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.
~Sobieski and Meehan

2006-05-23T08:11:00.000-07:00

Westlake grads and Lauren (Guess which one is me!)

I led the benediction at baccalaureate for WHS, and I thought of how much has happened in my life since my own high school graduation. Six years now. More than halfway to my 10-year reunion. When I sat amongst my fellow Arlington High School grads in May 2000 (go Colts!), I know I had different plans for my life than what actually has happened. I was going to be an orthodontist! I was going to meet the man of my dreams in college and marry him shortly thereafter! I was never going to work in the church!

Ha.

And what's funny is that, six years from now, I'll be saying the same things. I like how life is a constant surprise. Makes it more interesting, wouldn't you agree?

*******

I'm starting to enter the "last lunch/supper" stage of my time here. Today I'm having lunch with Rebecca, who has been an extremely influential "second mother" for me here in Austin. No doubt tears will be shed. My goodbye party is this Saturday, and over 50 people are attending. I'm receiving e-mails and phone calls with the sweetest messages, such as this one:

At the last confirmation class I am remembering one of the crazy 8th grade boys asking if they could call the new youth leader "Lauren." I really think there was more to that than trying to be funny. . .a compliment in their 8th grade way. I second it.

This is not the last time I will say goodbye to a place that has meant a lot to me; but since it's the first, I think it will always have its own significance. . .

Peace, my friends!

Austin, I Will Miss You

2006-05-16T15:09:00.000-07:00

This is what I see every day when I turn onto my street:

Seemingly uninteresting, right?

There's a school bus in front of a house. No big deal.

Except I tend to think it's a bit weird. Here's why. This bus isn't dropping off children. It isn't picking up children. It remains parked outside of a house every day. Sometimes it's gone. But it always re-appears.

And I've been dying to know who drives it, and, even more so, WHY?

So Janie comes by one night last week to say goodbye to Leah. And as we're all three standing outside my house. . .we hear a sound. . .the sound of a school bus turning onto the street. And I was excited because finally, finally, we might get a glimpse of the mystery person who obviously drives a school bus (a short bus, at that!) as a personal vehicle.

And it stopped in front of the house, the side doors opened, and a nerdy-looking guy stepped off and walked to his house. Seriously, this guy looked to be about 17 or 18. He knocked on the garage door, it opened, and he ducked inside. I noticed today as I was photographing this peculiarity on our street that he must live in the garage because there's an A/C unit in a side window. Interesting.

I wonder how he got that bus? I wonder if he thinks it's cool? I wonder. . .just. . .WHY?

Cracks me up.

Life's a Beach!

2006-05-14T19:29:00.000-07:00

What a wonderful weekend in Port Aransas! Relaxing on the beach is one my absolute favorite things. I could spend all day out there. *sigh* Here are some pics from our short-yet-fabulous trip:

Pretty sunset in Corpus

Fun in the car with Em! Some things I love about this picture: 1) I'm totally driving on the highway, 2) If you look closely, you can see clear down my throat, 3) The picture was intended to be taken of Emily with me in the background, but as you can see, it turned out to be mostly me. Cracks us up.

This is our mermaid. Her name is Shelly. When we went back down to the beach later that night, she was pretty much destroyed--most likely, we guessed, by parents of small children. We have absolutely no idea why they would destroy her. . .do you? Trishy and me

I spent some time chasing seagulls on the shore. This is me rejoicing in my victory over the 'gulls.

Me and Em

Rich and Trish

Court and I get the giggles.

Finding My Place

2006-05-10T14:11:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow afternoon marks the beginning of a trip I have been looking forward to for what seems like forever: Port A, baby! My college buds and I have been spending weekends at Court's condo there for several years now. . .and Lauren is leaving TX, which means we absolutely must head to the beach to, um, celebrate? No. How 'bout send me out with a bang? Yeah.

I'm sad. I feel like I've been on the verge of tears for a week now. I approach everything with a "this is the last time I'll do this" type of attitude, which I've done since I was little and can be quite annoying. But I wouldn't want it any other way, because that's just how I deal with things. Today I thought about all the little things we as youth ministers "pick up" about our kids--what ticks them off, what they really mean to say when they can't get it out right, how to work with them in their many different moods. . .I know that the new youth minister (who hasn't been officially picked yet) will learn all of these things. I did. And it takes time. But dang, it's hard to let go. Much harder than I had expected. I'm finding that I'm not excited about someone new coming in. I thought I'd be fine with it, would want to spend time with him/her, would want to help the kids adjust. . .but no, I'm not fine with it. I'm sad. I need to grieve. And I think that means that maybe I need a clean break rather than to be active in the transition process.

And yet, even as I'm sad, I'm also so excited. It's the weirdest mix of feelings right now. I can't wait to move, to meet new friends, to have a new place and relax before Greek (!) starts, to spend time with Rob. . .I'm so ready for all of that. It's definitely an extra incentive that I have a special person out there who's waiting for me! :)

Okay, off to church yet again! Have a good weekend. I'll be enjoying some drinks on the beach with some of my bestest friends. Yesss.

Far away. . .I feel your beating heart.
I'll try to find my place with you.
~The Afters

Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda

2006-05-04T07:47:00.000-07:00

I called one of our church families last night to see if their kids could help with Youth Sunday, and I ended up talking with one of my kids for a bit. I haven't seen this girl in a while, and I've missed talking with her. It was only a 10-minute conversation, but when I got off the phone, I thought, "Wow. If I had spent the last two years calling my kids, just one youth per night, just to see how their week was going, etc. . ." Then my head spun into all these "coulda, woulda, shoulda" thoughts. Of course, since I'm leaving, I'm realizing all these things I coulda done. Even shoulda done. And I know I shouldn't beat myself up, because in actuality, calling each of the youth woulda worn me out. But it was nice to chat with one of them last night and hear how things are going with her.

I think the thing that surprised me was that she was excited to talk to me. I heard her brother say, "Lauren's on the phone" and she grabbed it and said, "Hey Lauren!!" It made me smile because I guess I thought they'd be annoyed that their youth minister was calling, thinking, "What is she going to ask me to do?" or something. I don't know. But to hear her saying she missed me and was sad I was leaving. . .that was cool.

Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda was the title of a Sex & the City episode. I wonder how often I think I coulda, woulda, shoulda done something differently. . .

I don't necessarily regret things from my past. They happened. So be it. But I still like to process my past, just to avoid repetitive mistakes or whatever. If I had to come up with 5 Coulda, Woulda, Shouldas, they'd be (in no particular order):

1) I woulda kept dancing instead of giving it up for cheerleading and volleyball (stints that lasted one year each in junior high). Had I known that I wouldn't get near as much satisfaction out of those two sports as I had from dance, then who knows. . .
2) I shoulda heeded friends' and family's advice regarding certain relationships in my past. It woulda saved me from a lot of heartbreak and needless holding on. . .
3) I shoulda studied abroad while in college. I was an RA, and in order to protect my job, I really couldn't leave the country for a semester. However, I'm almost positive it coulda worked out had I tried hard enough. Of course, I can travel for the rest of my life, but there's something about traveling in college that's extra fun, I think. . .
4) I shouldn'ta made myself come up with 5 of these because I can't think of any more!

Which leads me back to a previous statement: I don't regret much at all about my life. For example, in reference to #2, I know I needed to experience heartbreak in order to grow. Maybe some people don't need that experience, but I did. Maybe I still do, who knows. The point is, even the things I listed aren't really huge regrets. I enjoyed cheerleading and volleyball. They each (especially cheerleading) taught me a lot about myself and about others. I needed that experience.

So, the whole Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda thing is really not that important, huh? But in the interest of discussion, any thoughts?

2006-05-01T11:04:00.000-07:00

I'm eating Alphabet Spaghettios in my office right now. Sometimes there just ain't nothin' better.

Leah and I paid $65 to have someone mow and edge our lawn this weekend. And there's something so nice about having it done. I even told the guy, "I honestly will pay you practically anything to get this lawn done." I know that's pretty stupid, but if you haven't seen our lawn, it was horrible. We'd become the crappy tenants on the street who never take care of their house. I'd decided that the lawn was just never going to get done by us, so lo and behold, we received a business card on our doorstep yesterday and gave the man a call. And now I can't stop looking out the window at our beautiful front and back yards. I actually want to go play outside on the grass now. Even the birds like it. They're all hopping around and enjoying the cut grass. It's the little things, right?

Youth Sunday is this Sunday and I'm feeling a bit stressed in hopes that it comes together alright. The one thing I know is that it always does. . .but somehow that doesn't make the stress any less. . .

Have a good one!

Sunshine

2006-04-29T11:32:00.000-07:00

Is it terrible that all I want to do is take a nap in my bed when it's gorgeous outside? Usually on such a day, I'd want to be outside taking a nap or reading or something. But no, I have no real desire on this day to be outside. All I really want to do is sleep. . .inside.

I'm seeing and hearing about babies a lot lately. It's one of those times when it seems like everyone is having a baby. I spent time with baby Elisia the other day, which was so fun. And next Friday, I'm visiting Tamber and her baby Bethany. This could be interesting for the ol' maternal instinct. . .funny how I seem to have spurts of "I want a baby!" and then, sometimes immediately following, spurts of "I am in no way ready for a baby!"

I'm finding that I think like Carrie Bradshaw from Sex & the City a lot. I was talking to Lizzie the other day and we wondered about crushes. And in my head was Carrie Bradshaw's voice asking the question that Liz and I were pondering, "Do we sometimes force attraction to someone simply because we long to have an object of our affection?" And there are other questions I've thought about this weekend after conversations with friends: "Does a person's past relationship behavior dictate how he or she will act in every future relationship? Do we ever move past our past?" and "What does it take to truly and completely get over someone?"

Anyway. I could have a whole blog dedicated to the analysis of relationships. Many of you know that I'd love that. Except I kinda have other things that take up my time right now. . .too bad.

Texas Meets the Mayor

2006-04-23T19:35:00.000-07:00

Well this weekend was full of fun, I tell you. Full of fun. The Mayor (or, as I affectionately call him, "Rob") visited for two days and I doubt you'll be surprised when I say that I laughed a lot. We both did. Trish and Rich came up, Lanette had lunch with us, Becky hung out for a while. . .it was a grand old time. If only the Good Capn, Huw, and Leslie had been around, I think we would've felt complete. :)

Here are some pictures from our adventures at the Texas Capitol:

The Guy pulled a knife on me at the gift shop! (doesn't he look scary?) I was a bit freaked out, but. . .

. . .we made nice for this photo in front of the Capitol. Notice Rob's new bolo tie that he bought (and wore pretty much all day). If I didn't know any better, I might think he enjoyed his new bolo more than he enjoyed visiting The Girl. But luckily I do know better. ;)

Simon's now a true Texas cat. Leave it to a guy from North Carolina to show him how to be a true Texan.

This is for Lee-lee. She hung out with us all weekend and we had fun. So of course I had to post the picture she loves the most.

A long-awaited weekend is now over. Back to everyday life tomorrow! *sigh* Oh, well. It was well worth the wait. And I'm sure the next six weeks will fly by. Part of me wants to slow them down, while the other part of me can't see them go fast enough. . .

2006-04-18T12:31:00.000-07:00

Wow! I want a rich boyfriend, too!*

I'm hungry today. I actually think I've managed to make myself tired of Thundercloud. Crazy, I know. But I eat there at least once a week. And today I went with Leah (which has become a sort of tradition, if you will) and I didn't want anything. Now part of that probably had to do with the fact that my stomach was gurgly this morning and I didn't feel that hungry. BUT, now that I am hungry and want food, I'm not dying for a Thundercloud sub. And I usually can eat one any time. I guess too much of a good thing is still too much. Oh, well. I'm sure I'll be back there next week. Or even tomorrow, knowing me. :)

I'm starting to think about cleaning out my office. And I've decided that I don't like thinking about it. Youth ministers' offices tend to become the collection area for all sorts of random things. I have a sleeping bag rolled up in the corner, a saw from last year's mission trip, an old computer monitor, bags of bandanas, boxes of t-shirts, you name it. I'm sometimes afraid I'm going to be the one responsible for Merle's death. He's 80-something years old and every time he comes in here to chat, I wince when he almost trips over the boxes as he makes his way to sit down across from my desk. (Seems like I've mentioned this before--sorry if I'm repeating myself.) Anyway, it's going to be hard work. And I don't know if I've given myself enough time for it all. My last Sunday here is June 4th, then I'm moving that week--like June 6th. So maybe I should start. . .now.

Oh, but wait. It's spring. Which means there are graduation gifts to get, high school musicals I must attend, confirmation classes to teach, end-of-the-year youth group parties to plan for. . .can a girl ever get it all done? *dramatic sigh*

Love to all!

----
*Not really. I'm perfectly happy with The Guy. And just in case you didn't know, he's gonna win the lottery some day.

Well, Hoppity Hip!

2006-04-16T14:35:00.000-07:00

The title of this post is a phrase exclaimed this morning at church by our lovely secretary, Lisa--she also says "Jeez o' Pete" (sp?), "Mercy Dell" (dell is pronounced 'dale'), and "Lordy May" quite frequently. I'm going to miss that gal and her little sayings. . .

So, it's Easter weekend and I'm all alone. (ha ha I'm not upset about it, I just thought I'd sound pitiful for a second.) I've actually been looking forward to this weekend for a while--it's the one weekend I haven't had anything planned and I've been able to do a whole heck of a lot, which is awesome. Here's a rundown of what I've been up to this week:

*Met with my spiritual director for the second-to-last time before I move; as usual, I left with some enlightening ideas about myself and the ways in which God is working in my life. I find that, while I claim to be all inclusive and open, I have a tendency to act quite the opposite--and usually with the ones I love the most--so that's not good. There are things to work on!

*Went to church for Maundy Thursday, Good Friday, and Easter. We remember the most significant events of the Christian church this week, and I always come away with something new. This year, I spoke at the early service about Easter and I talked about our resurrection stories--I think we all have one or more. Someone told me recently that my parents' divorce is a huge part of my resurrection story. God raised up our family and gave new life to something that was broken. While I certainly know that there were painful parts of that time in my life, I can definitely say that my siblings and I came through that experience with stronger relationships both with each other and with our parents. The result is one family--a bit scarred, but very strong. Thank You for showing us the power of resurrection in our lives. It doesn't just stop with Jesus--it continues in our world today. Things aren't always what they seem. . .

*Went shopping. Probably bought too much. But whatev.

*Talked to and saw some old friends. Leslie and I had a fun conversation (the secret's out!) and Carmack and I caught up, too. I went to Bulverde and hung out with Miriam and Scott, which was GREAT because I hadn't seen them in forever. I also saw Marcy and Johnny Boy at church, which was fabulous.

*Got mad and made mad (involving the same person over a span of two days! Goodness.) I've thought about it, though, and I've come to the conclusion that we get the maddest at those we love the most. This may sound silly, but I used to get kinda jealous of my couple friends who fought--you gotta have passion to get mad at someone. . .and if they don't make you mad every once in a while, then maybe the passion's not really there. That's just my two cents--I'm sure it's not factual. But I, for one, think fighting is healthy. Argue with me if you want. But I stand by it. (Plus, isn't making up sweet? And I'm not just talking about, you know, that kind of making up. . .you know what I mean. . .:)

I'm gonna do some cleaning, then hang out with Beckycita a bit this evening. The Mayor's comin' into town next weekend (look out, Texas!), so watch for more updates as exciting events unfold. . .

Happy Easter to all!

I cannot live,
I can't breathe
Unless you do this with me.
~Angels & Airwaves

2006-04-09T11:27:00.000-07:00

Congratulations to Barrett and Natalia!

May your marriage be extremely blessed. . .

************

And now, funny Simon pictures. . .

Kinda looks like he's doing pilates. . .except not. . .

Ain't he cute?

(Leah, you're not allowed to comment.)

I had a great weekend in the other A-town. . .I'm so going to miss being able to go up there whenever I want. Sadness.

8 weeks.

Shout-out to the swankiest man I know: Happy Happy Birthday! As the Mayor, you're entitled to a rather large celebration in honor of your quarter-of-a-century years of life, you know. . .citizens of Swankytown, the time has come to get down and party!

Lately

2006-04-06T10:36:00.001-07:00

I've been a slacker with posting. . .not cool, Lorena, not cool.

Leah and I are officially hooked on Sex & the City. We've been renting each season one at a time since we never watched the show before. I think I want to name one of my daughters Charlotte. Oh, and I had a dream last night that Samantha and I had a cocktail together. It was fun.

I had my candidacy interview this past Saturday in which the synodical committee decided whether or not I would be a good pastoral candidate in the Lutheran Church. They said "yes." I am now officially Entranced. Sounds kinda funny. That interview was hard, man. Really hard. I had two hardcore theologians on my panel (one was a prof of mine in college) who asked tough questions. . .which is good, I like to be challenged. But hard. I'm glad they saw that, despite my struggles to answer their questions, I really do feel called to do this.

I'm going to the other A-town this weekend for the last time while I still live in TX. Sadness! My brother is married now, so all four (now five with the daughter-in-law!) kids will be home. Mom will be content. :) Em and I will of course have some BFF time, as well. Should be a good weekend. I wonder if it'll be warm enough to swim? I guess the more important question is if Mom and Dad have had their pools cleaned since winter. . .

Take care, all.

Choose the one who loves you more. . .
~copeland

The Nutty Professor

2006-03-31T08:57:00.000-08:00

Leah went home this weekend, so I'm looking at a few lonely/boring days ahead. I guess I should get used to it, since we won't be living together for too much longer. . .but I've realized lately that it's going to be a lot more difficult than I thought to say goodbye to her. :(

She and I met for lunch yesterday, and she told me yet another story about her crazy professor. This guy is pretty funny--he's random as ever. And I told her, "Trust me--you will have many crazy and weird professors throughout college. It's like a requirement for a professor to be a bit strange." I laugh whenever I think about the random profs I had in college, and how my friends and I would actually take notes of the hilarious acts or sayings in order to share them with each other later if we'd missed class-- "You missed what Dr. G did this morning!"

Most TLU students and alumni would probably agree on which professor is absolutely, positively the most hilariously weird: Dr. Roger Guy (can't find a picture of him! dang).

He's a sociology professor, so naturally, he's curious as to how people react to things, what will get them going, etc. I don't think anyone knows for sure whether the things he does are simply him or whether he's trying to get a reaction from everyone. I think it's a bit of both. I can't even describe the silly things he'd do--to try to do so in writing wouldn't do his antics justice. I remember all of us students looking around at each other a bit awkwardly following a comment or action from him that seemed to come out of nowhere. We were obviously thinking, "Is this guy for real? Did he really just do that?" and, almost more importantly, "Are we supposed to laugh?" It was an honest question because, you see, he didn't act like he was trying to be funny. That's the thing about professors--they can do anything they want (well, provided they have tenure. . .but even sometimes beforehand, I think they're just plain weird because they want to be!). They can act crazy and make you wonder if it's supposed to be funny just because they can. They've been to school already, and much longer than you have. They know their stuff. They can give you an "A" because they like you or an "F" because you pissed them off. (Of course, we all know that this isn't supposed to happen--but let's face it, it does. Because of my whole point that professors can do whatever the heck they want.)

Now, I know there exists a committee or a board or whatever that keeps up with professors and their behavior. And no, they can't do absolutely whatever they want. . .but c'mon, pretty much. If they feel like canceling class for a day, they can do it. If they feel like bringing their latest "invention" into the classroom and turning it on so everyone can see how it works (as did my sister's crazy prof a few months ago. . .and when he turned "it"--whatever it was--on, it blew a huge force of air and all of his papers flew off his desk. He then started running around, frantically picking them up. . .just the visual of the event makes me smile), they can. Because they're the professors. Not you.

I love this about professors. I want to be one someday. And I'm sure, if I am a professor, I'll be one of the "normal" (or yes, even "boring") ones, but to have that freedom to be absolutely weird and make everyone wonder if this is who you really are. . .that's just awesome.

For years, TLU alumni will say to each other, "What about Dr. Guy, dude?" and there's a sort of immediate understanding between people who may have never even had a class together while on campus. This Guy is weird, crazy, random. . .and you never forget him. Maybe that's his goal. :)

Nah.

i carry your heart with me

2006-03-25T16:44:00.000-08:00

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart)
i am never without it (anywhere i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling)

i fear

no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

-ee cummings

*****
I love this poem. Although sometimes love poems like this seem a bit. . .idolatrous? obsessive? I don't know. I just know that when I read them, I'm thinking, "Wow, that is so amazing," while at the same time also thinking, "Is this person you're writing about all you live for?"

I've learned that one person can't be all you live for. There is something greater. And if it's not God for you, then it's gotta be something else, I think. If you put everything you feel and believe and long for on the shoulders of someone else, onto a human who makes as many mistakes as you do each day, then there will be a point when it crashes down. It's inevitable.

Feelings cause us to do some crazy things, and I've learned that even those of us who profess to trust in God alone for our wholeness can easily get swept into relying on a person to satisfy what only God can. We are imperfect. We are childish. We are selfish. We are mortal. We can't be everything to someone. We can't be everything to anyone.

But we can be something. And when we are, it's a beautiful thing. And I do believe that human love, romantic love, is one of God's greatest gifts to us. Why wouldn't it be, when every single person on earth is in search of it? It's a treasure! So when we find it (or, better, when it finds us), we soak it up and breathe it in and allow it to rush over us because it's the best thing we've ever experienced. But it's only a taste. As overwhelming and comforting and magical as it is, it's still only a taste of a Love that's perfect.

To me, that Love comes from God alone. And it's harder to keep that in perspective because, hey--it's not like God's right here in front of me to talk to, hug, lean on. But from where does my peace come? Not always from the boyfriend, and most certainly not from myself. And this isn't our fault. I think we were created to need something more than human relationships. Everything about us proves this. I know many will disagree, but I look around and can plainly see that we are never satisfied solely by even the most wonderful things that human relationships bring.

And the best thing about it all is that God knows we won't always remember how much we are loved by God. God knows that we will turn to others, desperate for acceptance and love that only God can provide. And even when we forget about God, there is no way God ever forgets about us.

When I forget, help me remember. . .

Whatever is done by only me is Your doing, God.
You, God, are whatever a moon has always meant and whatever a sun will always sing.
Your love is higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide,
You are the wonder that's keeping the stars apart.

-------------
What, am I a devotional author now? Goodness, I wasn't expecting to write all of that. I must be in a "preachy" mood since I'm preaching the sermon tonight (!) at church. Which reminds me, I better get back to that. . .

Love to all. And PEACE.

Cute Is What We Aim For

2006-03-24T18:57:00.000-08:00

Tonight I stumbled upon what I do believe is going to become one of my favorite bands. Check 'em out. My goodness, I can't stop listening to them.

Snippets

2006-03-24T09:57:00.000-08:00

*I think it's funny that several friends from college call me LD (it'd be fun to spell it out phonetically-- El'dee). Court's mom even asks her, "How's LD?" I think it's cute.

*I saw my first green worm of the spring this morning when Leah and I were running! I hate these things. Hate them. They suspend from oak trees during the springtime, hanging on pieces of silk or whatever, and they get stuck on you when you walk or run past them. In springs past, I've seen them stuck all over the outside of my car, stuck on my clothes, and there was even one crawling on Em's neck once when she came to visit! We were pretty grossed out. Ew ew ew ew. I had never seen them before I moved to Austin, and I will say with confidence that this is one part of Austin that I will not miss.

*I'm still not feeling quite "caught-up" with life following the Mexico trip. Silly me for thinking that once that trip was over, life would be smooth sailing! :) Who am I kidding? It's spring, the season that is famous for being the busiest time of year. I know the holidays are busy, too, but sometimes I think spring might be even busier.

*Janie bought me a North Carolina/South Carolina map as well as a Georgia, NC, and SC Tourbook from AAA! I'm excited. Lots of stuff to see and do--friends, start planning your trips to visit me now! :)

*I have several going-away events already on my calendar. I never knew leaving Texas would spark such a need for numerous parties, but how silly I was! Of course we need to say goodbye properly. Some youth minister friends of mine just planned a Happy Hour at Baby A's (I've never had their margaritas, which are made with Everclear and very strong. . .so I said we must go there before I leave), a group of college friends (and Em and Leah) and I are going to Port A for a weekend in May, and there are many people I need to see one last time (*sniff*) in the two and a half months I have left in the Lone Star State.

Man, this is real, isn't it? Dang.

Lots of love to you all. Have a bodacious weekend.

***EDIT****

*Leah has a crush on her bald African-American bus driver. She told me all the juicy details about him last night. *Giggle!*

*I've had random songs stuck in my head every morning this week, including Michelle Smiling performed by Uncle Jessie on Full House and Lionel Richie's All Night Long. As is usual with stuck-in-your-head songs, I'll burst out in them without even meaning to while I'm getting ready for work. . .and five minutes later, Leah will burst out in them, followed by a loud, "Damn it, Lauren, why'd you get that stuck in my head?!" I just love being annoying. ;)

Like Sunshine & Rain

2006-03-18T18:18:00.000-08:00

I just finished wiping away the tears that came after reading what some of the youth and sponsors wrote on my "affirmation sheet." We do these at the end of each mission trip--everyone writes their name on a sheet of paper and they all get passed around for everyone else to write on. At the end, you have a page (or more) full of notes and affirmation from everyone in the group. It's quite touching. I've even kept some of mine from high school youth group. Anyway, all of the kids mentioned something about being sad that I'm leaving, but the part that made me cry was their recognition of God's call in my life and the fact that they're not selfish about it because they know I'm not leaving just to leave them. As one freshman put it, "I'm not worried because I know you are going where God leads you, and I am content with that." Wow. To be sad about something and at the same time recognize the bigger picture--this is not normally the thought process of teenagers. :) I may be biased ;), but mine are the best.

Our trip was a bit stressful for me. I joked with the kids that, since this is my last trip with them and all others have gone relatively smoothly, God's laughing because God knows I'll definitely remember my last trip with Shepherd of the Hills. No doubt about it. But even through the stress, I laughed so hard and experienced such joy. That's the best word for it. It was joyful. Few complaints. Many smiles. I'll say it again, my youth group is the best ever. (Kinda like a parent, each youth minister thinks his/her kids are the absolute best. I'm sure when I work at another church, I'll say the same thing. . .but there will always be a special place in my heart for the SOTH kids.) And this particular group on this particular trip was amazing. I do believe it was the perfect mix of people. I love them all and I will miss them so very much.

Here are some pictures. . .Blogger is being a boo whore about uploading pics today, so I might post more later.

Here I am posing for the camera while my kids work hard. I'm such a good leader. :)

This is Liliana, a precious girl full of personality. She made us smile a lot.

Alycia and I work on the soffets (?) around the roof of the house. Alycia looks confused. Power tools are my friends.

Here's our group after we got back to church--all fresh 'n clean!

*******

In other news, I'm spending the day chillin' in the beautiful weather that the storms from last night left behind. Lee-lee's back in town and we're going to the park. I have lots of people to catch up with whom I have missed, so some phone calls are in order.

Do you ever take a second to reflect on how you've acted and feel utterly disgusted with yourself? I kinda feel that way right now. When I step outside myself, I realize that if someone was acting the way I am acting, I would be horribly annoyed with that person. Yuck. I need a relaxing day in the sunshine to clear my head. Good thing I am loved in spite of myself.

Have a great day!

Viva Mexico

2006-03-08T12:06:00.000-08:00

I leave with our high schoolers on Sunday morning for our mission trip to Juarez, Mexico with Casas por Cristo. When I was in high school, my dad and I went together on these trips with our church, and it's an experience we still talk about. Those trips in my high school years were very influential. . .I think they gave me a glimpse into my passion for ministry in other countries, specifically Mexico and Central/South America.

I learned a lot about myself on those trips, and so when I became a youth director, I decided to take my kids on the same mission trip. They loved it. They couldn't wait for the next trip. It was so cool to watch the kids in Mexico--to watch them work (we really do build a house from the ground-up in 5 days. Promise. Sounds crazy, but it's true.), to watch them play with the Mexican children, to watch them care for each other, to watch them sacrifice everyday comforts to serve God's people. We don't shower for 5 days (well, maybe we can, but most of us don't). We sleep on a cold church floor. We wear the same workclothes (and usually sleep in them, too, because we're too exhausted/cold to change--plus, you'll just put 'em back on in the morning!). We make our own meals, sometimes eating dinner at 9 or 10 pm. We make new friends. We laugh. We pray. We live for a week away from Austin and find out that the world outside is full of things and people to discover and to love. I think it is very important for kids to travel outside of their comfort zones. And I don't mean to Cozymel, Mexico on a cruise. I mean to the border or to the inner-city. There is a certain compassion and knowledge that one cannot escape once one has entered a poor part of the world that demands attention. And many people, upon visiting, cannot leave it the way they found it. In fact, many feel called to return again and again.

For pictures from last year's trip, check out my blog entry about it. (I tried to link to it, but it's being weird. Go here and scroll down to the entry dated March 21 if you're really interested. I'll be impressed if you actually work that hard to find it.) I think this year's trip will be wonderful. . .I just have to get there first. Planning a youth trip is extremely stressful. But that's probably due in large part to the fact that I insist on doing everything myself. Therefore, I'm running around crazy right now. Back to work!

By the way, any prayers for our mission group would be greatly appreciated. :) Even though I'm going kinda crazy right now, I know from many trips in the past that God always has a way of pulling things together perfectly. God's just cool like that, yo.

Here I Am

2006-03-05T22:12:00.000-08:00

Stained glass window in LTSS chapel

Worship space is really important to me. I have to "feel" something in a chapel at seminary since, you know, I'll be worshiping in it every single day. And I definitely felt something in the chapel at LTSS. It's a beautiful place.

The verdict is in. :)

Friends, our visit to the Carolinas honestly couldn't have been more perfect. As I sat in church on Ash Wednesday, I distinctly felt like I am on the edge of some pretty big stuff in my life. Stuff I'd never imagined would happen. . .but wouldn't trade for the world. My life is just one giant testament to the fact that God knows what's up. There have been moments when I've seriously cried to the heavens, "God, what's up with this crap?" and then sometimes God waits a while to answer my question. But when He does, I find that all I can do is sit back and say, "Ohhhh. Now I get it."

Christians speak about this stuff all the time--how God answers prayers on His own time schedule, etc. And somehow it doesn't mean as much as when it is actually made evident in your life. And when it is, it's kinda all you can think about for a while. Kinda like witnessing a miracle or something. You just can't get enough of how dang cool it is.

And that's where I am.

Becky and I will have more stories to share as the week goes on. Our trips together are always fun. . .it's a bummer that this may have been our last one (for a while, at least). I love you, Beckycita. ;)

Off We Go

2006-02-28T12:36:00.000-08:00

Off to the Carolinas for a few days--say prayers if you happen to think of it. :) I love travelin' the states with Beckycita! Here's to some good times ahead.

Luther or Southern--wonder which seminary Lauren will pick? We shall see.

I can't believe it'll be March tomorrow. Freakin' March. Crazy.

Catch ya later friends!!

2006-02-26T18:48:00.000-08:00

Today we had a mini-retreat for the 6th graders at church and, as usual, I found myself trying hard to keep from laughing (quite unsuccessfully, I must add) as they said the silliest things. One boy (named Joe) insisted on being called Fabio the entire time. So of course I couldn't say that with a straight face. At any given point for the three hours we were together, either me or Steve (the pastor) might say, "Fabio, can you open your Bible and read this passage, please?" Oh my gosh, I couldn't stand it. And then, when Fabio DID read a passage, it was the one that talks about how, since Jesus has come to make all things new, there is now neither Gentile nor Jew, slave nor free, etc. Well, when Fabio reads this, he says, "therefore, there is not Genital or Jew. . ." He caught himself, which of course initiated a huge fit of laughter from everyone in the room, including Steve and myself. Luckily, Steve is more mature than I am. I sometimes worry about my "disciplinary skills"--I'm not the best at suppressing my laughter. And sometimes life is funny, even and especially at church. Kids say funny things--and the reason it's so hilarious is because it's so innocent. I guess as I get older, things might get less funny. . .I don't know. I just laugh so dang easily and once people (esp. kids) know how easy it is to get me off-topic, they definitely take advantage of it. They obviously like to make me laugh--I can't decide if this is a good or bad thing. :)

Talked to Court for a good two hours this weekend, which was lovely. I've missed her. Leah and I got to hang out and do nothing this weekend, too, which was nice. Shopped a little bit, packed up some old clothes to take to Goodwill, chilled out and watched TV. . .it was nice. And I was at church all freakin' day today, so I'm a bit tired.

Which means I'm outta here for now. Have a good week, friends.

I talked about Lent tonight with the high schoolers, and this quote stuck out to me:
We begin this season of Lent not only reminded of our death but marked for death, and that path of death is about our transformation.
~Dr. Marcus J. Borg

2006-02-21T14:10:00.000-08:00

I burned my tongue this morning in my eagerness to enjoy some hot chocolate. Annoying. Now everything I taste is doomed to not be as enjoyable as it could be or as it's expected to be. What exactly happens when we burn our tongues? Are our taste buds literally seared off? Hmmm. . .this sounds like a question for Mr. Rob West! I will, of course, welcome random insights from any of my readers in regards to the above question.

Becky and I are leaving for our big ol' trip to the Carolinas in a WEEK! We're going to visit Southern Seminary, where I am *almost* certain I will be attending beginning this summer. Then we're heading to Winston-Salem to vist some way cool new friends of ours who go by the mysterious yet quite stately titles of The Mayor and The Good Capn. If you know who they are, then you are obviously cool. And if you don't, then check 'em out! I bet you'll be impressed. :) We were. In fact, we were so impressed that we decided that we'd jump on a plane and go visit them! Crazy? No way. (And if they DO turn out to be, you know, weirdos. . .well then, at least we're together. . .right, Becky?) Anyway, I'm super excited about our trip. Plus, we get to spend the night at home in Arlington one night before we leave. Not that I'll get to spend tons of time there, but it's been a while and I miss my family. Yay for making mi daddy-o take us to the aeropuerto a las 5 in the morning! Spanglish, anyone? (You're the best, Pops!)

What else, what else? Our family could use some prayers right now--there's some stuff going on that's not necessarily bad, but not necessarily great, either. Please pray for wise decision-making in the next few weeks. Yeah.

Okay, I'm out. Haircut, then dinner at church (I love church meals!).

Peace.

Texas Travelin'

2006-02-18T18:04:00.000-08:00

Weekend in Houston: watching Sex and the City and horribly addictive trashy talk shows, "pouring" hot coffee in Rich's lap ("take it all!"), competing with Trish and Rich to see who could come up with the most inappropriate comments, hanging with Beckers and Mo (and seeing Nicole, too!), shopping at Vicki's with Trish and Becca, laughing about old friends and old memories. . .it was an awesome time. Lots of love to my H-town buds!

It's cold outside and I'm enjoying a quiet Saturday evening in my warm house. Yessss. Jerry Maguire's on TV, so I should be occupied for a while.

Have a good one!

Happy Heart

2006-02-14T09:55:00.000-08:00

Happy V Day!!!!!
(or VDDay, says The Guy)

I, for one, am pretty dang happy this day. I have my reasons, to be sure. And my hope is that you're having a happy day, as well.

*********

Thought these quotes were interesting--any comments?

Love alone is capable of uniting living beings in such a way as to complete and fulfill them, for it alone takes them and joins them by what is deepest in themselves.
--Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

It is wrong to think that love comes from long companionship and persevering courtship. Love is the offspring of spiritual affinity and unless that affinity is created in a moment, it will not be created for years or even generations.
--Kahlil Gib

Love is eternal -- the aspect may change, but not the essence. There is the same difference in a person before and after he is in love as there is in an unlighted lamp and one that is burning. The lamp was there and was a good lamp, but now it is shedding light too, and that is its real function. And love makes one calmer about many things, and that way, one is more fit for one's work.
--Vincent Van Gogh

Celebrate love in your life today. . .all forms of it, everywhere it shows up. In the words of one of my favorite movies: "Love actually is all around you."

Get the Hint

2006-02-10T10:51:00.000-08:00

It's almost 1 pm and I'm in still in my pajamas. It's my day off and I am in no hurry whatsoever to get dressed. Plus, it's rainy outside and rain just feeds my laziness.

I've been thinking about Guatemala lately--missing the people there whom I came to know and love during the relatively short time I was with them. I've kept in touch with an American who lives in the village as an accompanier for peace issues, and she e-mailed me yesterday. Her stories just made me really miss that place. It's been four months since my visit and I'm thinking of how I can get back there next October when the church goes again. It might be hard b/c I'll inevitably miss classes and such, but you can't say it's a vacation or a worthless trip. It might mean more to my future as a pastor than any class I take in seminary.

Do you ever wonder why some people behave the way they do? For instance, there's a lady at church who is infamous for her nonstop talking and chatting. Everyone practically runs when they see her coming because they know that, if they get caught by her, they'll be immediately and unwillingly pulled into a (very one-sided) conversation with her. In fact, I have a plan with some of my friends at church that, if one of us notices that Mrs. Talks-a-Lot has somehow managed to corner one of us, we know the drill: we approach the two and demand that our friend come help us with something right away. We even refer to it as The Rescue. "Time to go rescue Erika," we'll say. And Mrs. Talks-a-Lot doesn't even get the hint! I honestly don't think she understands how much a) she talks, and b) people hate talking to her. It's terrible. Many times--no, all the time--the subjects of her conversation have nothing to do with one another. She just switches gears in the middle with no apparent connections between the previous and current subject matter. It's kinda funny, but I feel for those who get caught with her. Our secretary has to deal with this lady a lot, and she's so kind. I wouldn't have the patience!

Anyway, I don't know why I thought to write about this. Some people just don't get social clues and it annoys me. But maybe they can't help it. Maybe I shouldn't be so hard on them. I can tell when someone isn't listening to something I'm saying, and I quickly get kinda embarrassed that I'm boring them. So I move on. But people like Mrs. Talks-a-Lot just don't get it. When I'm bored with her conversation, I'll literally look around, act like I'm in a hurry and really need to be somewhere. I even start walking away a little bit. . .but she still talks! Oh, well. I pity her husband sometimes. I sometimes wonder if she talks his ear off at night when they're in bed and all he wants to do is go to sleep. I honestly wouldn't be surprised. Poor guy.

Okay, time to be productive. . .I guess. :) Stay cool.

There's no combination of words I could put on the back of a postcard,
No song that I could sing,
But I could try for your heart.
~Jack Johnson

The Staring Game

2006-02-07T11:05:00.000-08:00

So there I was, standing in line at Thundercloud Subs. And today I had an interesting and highly annoying experience which got my mind churning on the subject of staring--namely, men staring at women.

(Note: I do recognize that women stare at men, too. But come on, I think anyone would agree with me that men stare way more than women do. So that is why I'm writing this post particularly about men.)

Some guys can look at women and be fairly appropriate about it. (I say fairly because, just in case you guys out there didn't know, girls always know when you're looking at them. Always. It's like a sixth sense we have. And we're either creeped out or we like the attention. But mostly we're just creeped out. You can look, but please don't stare. Ew.) Some guys can stare at women and be completely inappropriate about it. And the latter describes Creepy Guy sitting at Thundercloud around 12:30 this afternoon.

So back to where I started. I walk into Thundercloud and stand in line. I get that weird feeling that someone is looking at me, so I glance to my left. There he is. He's sitting at a table not five feet away from me. At this point, when I glanced over to him, he should have looked away. Most guys would've, I would think. "You got caught, Creepy Guy. I saw you looking at me." But no, he stared at me. So I blinked and turned my head to face the front again, trying to shake the icky feeling. It didn't go away.

So I glance again after a few more awkward moments, this time looking at him with a "Seriously, why are you staring at me?" look. Not a mean look, mind you. Just a little warning look, a little raising of the eyebrows. I've looked at him twice now--get the hint, Creepy. Get the hint.

He didn't get it. He kept looking at me, as if looking into my eyes as he stuffed a sandwich into his mouth would suddenly make me fall in love with him on the spot. As if staring at me with that creepy look in his eyes would compel me to pull up a chair and pour out my soul to him. (Actually, I'm sure "true love" was far from his mind. I don't even want to know what he was really thinking about.)

And he didn't just look into my eyes. Nope. I watched his eyes quickly move up and down as I stood there, helpless. I really did feel helpless, like "I can't really move because I'm in line. . .and this guy just shamelessly checked me out." Creepy, come on, could you be any more obvious?? I feel violated and you're sitting five feet away from me! My goodness. Yuck.

I was relieved when it was my turn to order, and I got my sandwich and hurried outta there as fast as I could. And as I drove away, I thought a bit more about this experience.

Guys look at girls. It's just in their nature. And girls look at guys, too, but not near the same way. My dad is single, and well, very much a guy. When my dad and I are out somewhere together, I know immediately when he's looking at a woman. And I say, "Dad, stop staring at her" and he looks so shocked every time. He says, "How did you know?" and I say, "Dad, every woman knows when a man is staring at her. And every woman in the room can sense it, even the ones who are not the object of your stare." It hasn't helped him. I try, but over the past years, I've realized that men are men and my dad is not going to stop staring simply because I've enlightened him to the fact that women can pick up on it. And so, the above conversation happens practically every time I'm with my dad. And he's not even in any way comparable to Mr. Creepy Guy. I'm not just saying this because he's my dad, either. Anyone who knows my dad would agree--he is a very respectable, very faithful, very honest and loving man. But he's a guy. And he likes women. With that logic, what's wrong with a little stare here and there?

Really, nothing, I guess. Every girl I know has experienced an unwelcome stare. It doesn't matter if you're hot or not, guys: a stare is annoying and rude. Learn to control your eyes and it will make you more attractive, more mysterious, and more successful with the ladies. But you can look at us. It can be fun and exciting when you look at us in an appropriate, flirtatious way.

Bottom line: don't be like Mr. Creepy. We don't want to play the staring game with you.

Weekend Ups and Downs

2006-02-04T14:15:00.000-08:00

Ups:
*Emily came to visit (always a highlight) and honestly, we really didn't do a whole lot. Went out Friday night for a bit, saw Memoirs of a Geisha (wonderful!) with Court and Lee-lee, went to the park to picnic and lounge, did a little shopping, took naps. . .sounds boring, but it was excellent.
*Got lots of sleep.
*Went to the Austin High musical to hear Jackie play in the pit, which was lots of fun. Also reminded me of my own high school musical memories, which always make me smile. Good times. I once told Janie that the crowd scenes were really just times when I would mock and make fun of my fellow cast members (well, not just me--it was mutual--I wasn't like the "musical bully" or anything, though that's a funny idea). You know, you're supposed to be acting like you're actually talking about something in the background, but no one can hear you. So I'd have entire conversations about really silly or gross things, all the while referring to the girls as "ugly, no-good ______" and the boys as "sick ______ " (insert whatever female/male insult comes to mind). You name it, we used it, and oftentimes in our poor British accents. It was always hilarious to us because to the audience, we looked like we were majorly in character. That we were. :)
*Hung out with my youthies tonight for our annual Super Bowl par-tay. They crack me up, as usual.

Downs:
*Court moved out Saturday morning. I randomly cry about it. I am very sad.
*I didn't get to hang out with some of my other old AHS buds who were in town this weekend. . .sucks. Scheduling didn't work out this time, but hopefully it will happen sometime soon!*

And now, I present to you:

A Day at the Park:

Snapshots of Emily, Lauren, and Leah

Leah drives us to Zilker.

Leah chills.

Lauren tells a story (what does that gesture mean? hmmmm. . .you decide).

Leah isn't very entertained by Lauren's story.

Emily looks like a model, as usual. :)

What are Em and Lauren reading? They seem to be enjoying it. Maybe it had something to do with Lauren's story she was telling earlier.

The end.

Have a great week, friends! Catch ya later.

*Leslie, next time you're in town, call me. We WILL get together sometime! :)

You found me when no one else was looking

How did you know just where I would be?

I guess that you saw what nobody could see.

~Kelly

2006-02-02T09:57:00.000-08:00

I am drained.

However, Em's coming tonight and we're gonna party all weekend, baby. Look out, Austin! I'm majorly ready for some BFF time. Probably more ready than I realize.

If it looks like it works and it feels like works then it works.
~Snow Patrol

A Rant & A Proposal

2006-01-31T13:51:00.000-08:00

Oh my gosh. I am so mad at American Idol right now. I know entertainment is important but DANG. I know it's funny to watch the "bad auditions," but DANG. What the heck? After going through the audition I went through and watching tons of people with awesome voices get turned away, I'm turned off by the entertainment industry. Way turned off. For those of you unfamiliar with the audition process, it takes a LOT of auditions to get to Simon, Paula, and Randy. The "bad" people had to get cleared to the next level many times by many judges. Annoying. They deliberately let the "bad" people through (over me! how dare they! :) just to 1) allow them to make fools of themselves on national television, and, more importantly 2) provide America with some laughs. It may sound like sour grapes, but I'm going to say it anyway: American Idol, I didn't want to be on your show, anyway! As I watched the episode tonight, I just kept staring at the TV and saying (okay, oftentimes yelling), "How did YOU get through??" If you're going to advertise that you're looking for talent, then why the heck did you let these people through over others? It's insulting.

Okay. Now I'm done. And wow, I sound really bitter and even more cocky. My apologies. I'm really not either of those. But I had to get that out.

Yesterday I was running in the neighborhood and I overheard a conversation between two women on my street. I smiled when I realized they were talking about how one of them got engaged over the past weekend. One thing she said caught me. "I was wearing this ugly sweatshirt," she laughed to her friend. Apparently (from what my ever-curious ears gathered) the proposal was anticipated, but the woman really had no idea how it would happen. Her comment about the sweatshirt stuck out to me because I want to be wearing an ugly sweatshirt when I'm proposed to, as well. Well, something along those lines, at least. See, I don't really want an extremely fancy dinner or an excursion to the top of the Eiffel Tower or whatever. Honestly, I don't think the man of my dreams and I would be doing those types of things very often, anyway. That's not my style. I want to be proposed to while I'm doing, well, something normal. I want to be totally taken by surprise. Court and I were talking about it, and we thought it'd actually be kinda cool if we were taken to a nice dinner as a sort of false alarm. Let's face it--if you're in a serious relationship and you've talked about marriage, then it seems that a proposal wouldn't entirely be a surprise. But if you're thrown off a little by a fancy dinner, then he pops the question later while you're watching TV in your T-shirt and pajama pants. . .THAT'S beautiful. That says, "This is what I want--to spend everyday life with you. Every day. Sure, we'll go out and have fancy "romantic" time, but the reason I want to marry you is because you're YOU. Right here. Just you."

*sigh* That's it, folks. That's love. And there are numerous ways to fit a proposal into everyday life. I want creativity, but not necessarily extravagance. And honestly, I think this is what many women want. So there you go, guys. Cancel that reservation at the five-star restaurant that you'd really be kinda uncomfortable at anyway, and invite your girl over for your specialty: together time, a walk in the park, cooking dinner. Pop the question during a random time. That's my two cents. :)

*NOTE*
By no means am I belittling fancy marriage proposals. I do think they are romantic and I love hearing about them just like anyone else. I'm just reflecting on what I think I want. And really, I don't have much say in how I'm proposed to. That's not really something I have (or want) control of. But in my thoughts for today, this is what came out. An engagement is exciting and wonderful no matter how it comes about. End of story.

Advance

2006-01-30T07:59:00.000-08:00

Goodness, it felt like spring here yesterday! And as much as I claim to love cold weather, I think I'm starting to realize that I might, just might, in a teeny tiny little way, miss Texas weather when I leave. I know that's ridiculous, Texans. I know we have some really unpredictable weather and that it's really annoying when we're practically sweating in January. But man, it was gorgeous yesterday. And I got to do one of the things that's high on my list of lazy day activities: lay on a blanket in the grass. In January. Weird, but wonderful.

I always get like this. When I know something's going to change in my life, I start thinking way in advance of how I will be affected by it. I almost get it all out of my system early on so that when the change actually happens, I find that I'm not as emotional about it, or at least, the emotion is diluted a bit. I don't mean to do this, but it almost always happens. When I knew college graduation was sneaking up on me, I had my sad moments kinda early--like in October. And once December came, I was ready. Then in the months immediately afterwards, I found myself getting emotional again. I'm sure that will happen this time around, too. I have moments when I think about how great this church is, how awesome Texas is, how much I'll miss my friends here, etc., and I get sad. But I bet come June, I'm going to be ready to go. And then in July, I'm going to have an "I really miss Texas/friends/life as it was three months ago" spell. That's just how I am. I'm prematurely emotional, I guess. And I think that bleeds into other areas of my life, as well. I get excited/mad/sad before the exciting/maddening/sad event(s) even occurs. I anticipate and my emotions immediately follow. I'll probably cry more in February/March about leaving than I will when it comes time to say goodbye to everyone. Is this weird? Maybe. But it's just the way I deal with things, I guess.

And what happens when I can't anticipate emotional events? It takes me a while to get over it. But I don't think I'm abnormal in that sense. Death, break-ups, things that come out of the blue. . .I hold onto painful events longer than I need to, I think. But overall, my emotional reeling time is pretty average. Emotional reeling time?! Awesome. I just made up a new term.

I announced to the congregation yesterday that I will be heading to seminary in a few months. And the sweetest thing happened--all these "older" people came up to me afterwards, saying, "We are going to miss you so much!" These people have grown kids, grandchildren, etc. They really don't have much investment in the youth ministry, and yet they do! I haven't had but one or two small-talk conversations with these certain people in the time I've been here (honestly, this is embarrassing, but I couldn't think of one lady's name while she was talking to me!) But how cool that they notice more than I think they do.

Lots to do today and so little time. . .have a good one!

If I just breathe
And fill the space between
I'll know everything is alright.
~MB

From a Distance

2006-01-26T14:12:00.000-08:00

So Dallas was NOT just a bunch of old white men. I realized as soon as I arrived that I was, in fact, wrong in my assumptions. My apologies to old white Lutheran male pastors everywhere. It was really fun to be there and I didn't realize how many pastors I know in this state. As soon as I walked into the hotel lobby, it was like, "Lauren! How are you? Where are you going to seminary?" etc. This greeting was repeated many times throughout the conference, and I appreciate the fact that 1) I have so many people interested in my future, and 2) I am blessed to know so many different pastors from all over Texas through all sorts of different ways. Although after about the fourth inquiry as to where I was going to seminary, I got a little tired of it. You see, most people didn't stop after I answered. They didn't say anything like, "Oh, that's great--God will lead you to where you should go." No, these men and women who preach and teach of God and God's leading proceeded to explain to me their version of God's call for my life. "You should really check out *insert one's seminary alma mater here*." One man practically forced to me to follow him to the seminary display tables and shoved his alma mater's catalog and viewbook into my hands. All I could think was, ". . .but I don't want want to go to Iowa." ha ha

Not that I don't think God works through others to guide us. God worked through others to guide me to the seminaries I'm most interested in currently. And really, who knows? I could end up in Iowa, and I don't want to shrug it off completely. But it just got tiring to hear everyone's personal opinions. To some I replied, "Well, there are eight ELCA seminaries for a reason, I guess, huh? Different ones attract different people, and they're all good schools." Anyway, that's my rant about that. And really, who can blame someone for pushing his or her own school? I push TLU when kids are talking to me about college. But I don't bash their other choices. And I don't push it unless I truly think it would be a good fit for them.

During worship one day, I experienced a very meaningful moment in which I called to memory many of the faces who have shaped who I am today--specifically, those who have shaped my call to ministry. From people in my family to pastors and various lay people, I was moved by how God has orchestrated certain meetings and relationships in my life. Some of the pastors at this conference I'd only had brief conversations with at camp last summer, others I worked with on youth projects, and still others guided me as a child back home in Arlington. To be in the same room with many of them was very powerful. The Spirit was very present. And always is. This is easy to forget, but oh-so-true.

Yes, even in our mundane routines of life, God is active and alive. Find some way to hold onto that--however is best for you. Because I think when we cease to recognize this significant truth, we slowly (sometimes quickly) lose sight of the wonder and power that surpasses this world in which we currently live. Our time here is fleeting and really oftentimes disappointing--why not be intentional about noticing the mysterious presence of the One who's constantly there but drowned out by everything else that demands our attention?

Okay, you're thinking, enough of this spiritual stuff, Lauren. :)

In other news, Courtney is moving out in two weeks and I am bummed. B.U.M.M.E.D. (As I was typing that out, I remembered the old BUM Equipment logos from the 90s? 80s? Funny.) She's moving to Kingsville to be with her grandmother, who's pretty sick, for a little while. Every time we talk about her leaving, we get tears in our eyes. The other night, I heard her shuffling around in the living room and got out of bed to see what was up. She started crying and we went into her bedroom where she got into her bed and, through tears and sniffles, asked me to sing her a song. I didn't think I'd be able to. But what came to my head immediately was "From a Distance"--that old song by that lady, I can't remember her name, but it was super popular when I was in like sixth grade. And really, the only lyrics I knew were "from a distance." The rest of the time I was like, "la la la la la." Anyway, it's really hard and sad right now. This weekend I have nothing planned and we're hoping to spend a lot of it together doing the silly things we do. Because Lauren and Courtney may never live together again. And that makes the world a bit of a sadder place, I think.

Adios, mis amigos. Have fun out there.

Naps, Showers, and Old White Men

2006-01-22T13:15:00.000-08:00

It's a cold and rainy day here in the ATX. Perfect nap weather, which I just took advantage of by sleeping for 2 hours after church. Naps have to be one of my favorite things--that is, if I get a good one. There are different kinds of naps, you know. Sometimes you wake up and feel even more tired than when you went to sleep. Sometimes you sleep for just the right amount of time in just the right way and you feel the way a nap should make you feel--rested. Sometimes I drool during naps. And I don't ever drool when I sleep at night. Weird. Sometimes I'll have crazier dreams during naps than I've ever had during the night. Interesante. Anyway.

I went to a baby shower this weekend, which was super fun. . .but weird, because I realized that this was the first baby shower I've been to on my own. I'd been to them with my mom years ago, but now my friends are having babies?! Huh? Cu-razy. It was really cute, though. Baby food and diapers and cute little clothes. One lady said to me, "So Lauren, doesn't this make you want to get married and have babies?" I laughed and said, "Uh, not really, actually." Which surprised me. I think not too long ago I would've been dreaming of my own marriage and kids and all the loving women who would throw me showers. . .and at this point in my life, I have other plans. Of course I DO think about those things--even at the shower I thought things like, "I wonder what it will be like. . ." etc. And I don't think it's bad to think those things--I don't tell myself I shouldn't. Because regardless, I'm a girl (a romantic and dreamy girl, at that) and will always wonder what my own "big days" will be like, who they will be with, etc. But it's different b/c I'm satisfied with my life right now, and quite frankly, marriage and a baby would kinda throw off my plans right now. :) Although I admit that I have absolutely no idea of the timing of these things in my life--God tends to keep surprsing me--but the point is, I'm not pining away for a different life than I have. And I'm thankful for this. It's much more fun to enjoy what I have rather than wonder when I'll get what I don't have.

I'm headed to Dallas (D-Town!) tomorrow thru Wednesday for our Tri-Synodical Conference. Should be fun. A bunch of Lutheran pastors (read: old white men) and me! Just kidding. There will be some young folks there, but not too many, so I'm glad some of us are bringing the age level down a bit. Not that I'm complaining about old white men. Some of these old white men have been significant people in my life. Anyway, I'll stop trying to dig out of this hole. I'm going to Dallas and hopefully I'll get to see my family a bit while I'm there. Otherwise, I might go home this weekend (Lizzie's birthday!); however, I haven't made up my mind quite yet. Two trips to the Metroplex in one week? Hmmm. Decisions, decisions.

Love to all. Have a fantabulous week!

'Cause it's you and me and all of the people
With nothing to do, nothing to prove
And it's you and me and all of the people
and I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of you
~Lifehouse

Ministry Stuff

2006-01-18T13:50:00.000-08:00

I realized today one of the most crucial jobs of a pastor--visiting the sick and the dying. Now this is pretty obvious; after all, sometimes the only time people seek ministers is when tragedy happens, such as a death. Actually, the beginning of life and the end of life are moments that ministers are privileged to have a special place in--kinda like a front-row seat. People want ministers around during these moments.

Our interim pastor, Merle, whom I've talked about before and admire a lot, has taught me a lot about being a pastor in the short time he's been at our church. He makes tons of home visits to members who haven't been to church in a while--just to check in, see how things are going. We've gotten kinda lazy about that these days in the church. We forget how churches used to be born--through home visits and door-to-door "witnessing" (I'm not a huge fan of that word, but couldn't think of another one). Plus, it means a lot when someone comes to visit you. It shows that someone cares enough to see you in your environment, on your terms. You don't have to make the effort to come to church, that's fine--we'll come to you and just sit and chat for a while. I think that's a good model of what God is like. And I hope I make many home visits when I'm a pastor.

Our congregation is fairly young in population. We have tons of young families and little kiddos, but not a whole lot of elderly people. In the 25+ years the church has been in existence, we've only had 30-something deaths, which is pretty low. And right now, we have a member who is in severe pain and close to death. Merle visits the hospital every day and it sticks out to me because I haven't had a lot of that part of the ministry to witness. But it's so important. There are even spots reserved for clergy in hospital parking garages. Merle told me today that he thinks visits--be they home or hospital--are one of the most important jobs of a pastor. I think he's right. Who cares if you preached an awesome sermon on Sunday--are you caring for the members of your church? Are you right there with them when crap is happening in their lives? Are you showing them God's unfailing love as best you can by being where they are rather than expecting them to come to you? It will be weird to someday be the one who gets called to be with a dying person, but what an honor.

On a more humorous note, Court and I laughed tonight at the thought of me in a preacher's collar. She was like, "I'm just gonna laugh at you, I'm sorry." and I was like, "I'll probably laugh, too." It is kinda funny. Some women pastors I know look really cute in their collars. Some look dorky. Hmmm. I have several years, though--maybe they'll come up with some more fashionable ways to dress as a minister by then. :)

You're Beautiful by James Blunt--great song. *sigh* His last name makes me laugh, especially since in one line he says he was high. ha ha

Time for bed! 'Night friends.

Get Down

2006-01-16T10:52:00.000-08:00

I'm working today and most of America is not. Bleh.

But at least I'm leaving early. Erika and I are going to watch a movie and catch up. 'Tis been a while. (And in case you care, I'm not ducking out early without making up for it later on my day off. There. No guilt.)

This weekend was LAZY and I loved it. Though I'm very glad the roomies will be returning today. I definitely slept in the house for two nights by myself--yay for Lorena! :) Friday night, I ice-skated (still don't know if that requires a hyphen. . .) and laughed a lot as my kids did silly things on the ice to entertain me. "Hey, Lauren! Watch!" and then there's a big fall. And then everyone laughs. Good times. And oh, was there drama that night! My goodness, kids were asking each other out left and right--within the youth group! It was hilarious. And yet it was sad when people were rejected. I gave one girl the "it's not the last time your heart will be broken by a guy" talk that my mom gave me in 7th grade after Ryan Cantu had asked me to the dance and showed up with three other "dates" and never danced with me. No, I'm not bitter. :) But I remember that night vividly--sitting in a corner in my room, curling up into a ball, and crying like a baby. My mom consoled me and I'll never forget those words. She was right. And really, what would we learn if we'd never had our hearts broken? We certainly wouldn't appreciate love as much, I don't think. Okay, that was a tangent. Anyway, so there was drama within the youth group and it cracked me up. . .and brought back memories of adolescent crushes. Cute stuff.

Saturday night I decided to watch Big Fish, knowing I would cry at the end, but not expecting to cry as much as I actually did. I've seen it before, and yes, I cried. But this time I was bawling, people. I'm talking shuddering, eyes-puffy-when-you-wake-up-the-next-morning CRYBABY! I honestly don't know why, but whatever. It was really good to cry like that. I must have needed it. It's just a sweet movie. And it got me. I'm one of those people who, if you tell me a movie made you cry, I'll say, "YESSS!" and be excited about seeing it. Then you'll say, "No, I cried. It was sad. You mean you want to see it because it'll make you cry?" Why yes! Duh. :)

I'm out. Later, friends.

I feel that when I'm old,
I'll look at you and know
The world was beautiful.
~Jimmy

It's Friday the 13th!

2006-01-13T07:54:00.000-08:00

It's Friday morning and I can't tell you how nice it is to have a weekend with (almost) no plans! Today I'm hanging out with Becky--we're going shopping b/c we decided our Christmas presents to each other would be shopping together for clothes. We would do it anyway, and most likely together, so why not buy each other clothes? Yep. Now that's what I call fun! :)

Tonight I'm taking my middle schoolers ice-skating. I love ice-skating. And. . .I guess that's all I have to say about that.

Tomorrow morning, Janie and I are playing tennis--it's been too long! Tennis is my favorite form of exercise, but it can be frustrating if you don't have a partner who's on your playing level. Jane and I are pretty much exactly on the same level, so it's lots of fun.

Courtney went to Seguin to see some friends last night, so I was home alone. And it was weird, because I was actually quite bored. Besides talking on the phone to a lot of people I needed to catch up with, I was still like, "What do I do with myself?" I lived for a year and half by myself before I had roommates again--you'd think I have the whole nights-to-myself thing down. Obviously not. Which makes me sad about seminary, because I'll most likely be living alone again. . .and I don't like it.

Now it's time to climb back into bed and read for a while before I must shower and head to G-town to see Becky. Have a great weekend, kids!

I'm amazed. . .

2006-01-11T08:23:00.000-08:00

Preschool Chapel Comedic Moments

Bennett: "Lauren! Knock Knock!"
me: "Who's there?"
Bennett: "Banana!"
me (thinking I know where this is going, but who am I kidding?): "Banana who?"
Bennett: "Banana take off your underpants!"

My reaction was probably not exactly what the teachers wanted. I laughed. I can't help it. Then I said, "Um, Bennett, that's not very. . .nice, buddy."

Then we're saying the Lord's Prayer and I hear one of the girls in the front row, loud and clear, "Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be my name. My kingdom come, my will be done. . ."

Cute cute.

****
So, on to more thought-provoking issues in the world of Lorena. I've been thinking lately how quickly I get antsy at a particular job or task or whatever. To explain further--my whole life has pretty much been set in increments of which I had no control. Besides graduating early from college, I have been on the same track as everyone else my age. So when I started this job, I figured I'd be here about 3 years before moving on to something else. It's turning out to be 2.5 years here, which I'm fine with. I'm ready to do something else. But then I think about being a pastor and serving somewhere for way more than 3 years. I seriously doubt I'll jump up and move around a lot. Not that I'll stay in the same place for 20 years (because I think that would drive me crazy), but I bet I'd stay in one place for 5 or 6 years at the very least. This kinda scares me because I get jumpy, I get anxious for new things. Maybe it means I'll just have to keep challenging myself in some way--more school, more time for hobbies, etc. It just seems weird that I'd be in a certain position for more than 2 or 3 years. I honestly can't imagine myself not becoming extremely antsy for something new.

But then I think about how much the other parts of my life will be changing, too. I hope to get married, I hope to have kids. . .these things may create the challenges I need to keep from getting bored with my career. I just wonder how people stay in the same place for work for so many years. While I will miss this church dearly when I leave (I've already had a couple of teary moments due to sweet notes from members or comments from staff about me leaving--and it's only January! I'm going to be a wreck come May!), I still know without a doubt that I couldn't be here much longer without absolutely going crazy from wanting to "move on to the next step in life." How many steps are there for me? Will I always want to move on or will I at some point find a place where I'm satisfied? Will there come a time when I don't find myself constantly looking ahead?

Hmmm.

Since some of you have asked, I have no updates on the prowler around my house. I guess that's a good thing. :) Court might be going to SA tonight, which scares me a bit because I'd be home alone. . .so I think I'm going to beg her to stay. I'm sure she wouldn't mind. :)

Have a good one!

The first star I see may not be a star.
We can't do a thing but wait
So let's wait for one more.
~Jimmy

Eeeek!

2006-01-07T18:29:00.000-08:00

Court called my cell phone while I was hangin' with Miss Anna tonight (which was way fun, I must say--finally saw Narnia, was amazed, and will now recommend it to everyone!, had a yummy margarita and am feelin' good). . .anyway, Court called tonight to tell me that while she was outside in the back having a cigarette, the neighbor behind us was shining a flashlight over the fence into our yard and into the neighboring yards. "Uh, ma'm," he said to Court, "Someone just tried to break into my house and he might be in your backyard."

What the hell??

That might explain the sight I came upon while upon looking outside a few days ago: the overturned chair, the can of bug spray knocked over, and the crumpled door mat. This freaked me out a little bit. And let's not forget the random thumps we've heard in and outside of the house lately. I've decided that these mishaps couldn't have been committed solely by the dang stray cat who lives under our shed. Nope. I bet this burglar has been lurking for a few days now. Or at least, the paranoid part of my head thinks this.

But you know what? I'm not scared at all. Actually, when I got home, I went directly outside, stood in the front yard for a minute and looked around. I even muttered to myself, "I'm gonna kick some a**." No fear, Lauren is here! Who knows where this "tough guy" mood came from? Maybe because I've had a margarita (oftentimes that's enough) or maybe because I'm not all alone (that's probably the real reason--Court and I are holding down the fort together!). Regardless, I'm fearless and ready to fend off the predator!

. . .for now, anyway. When bedtime rolls around, I might be singing a different tune. We've locked all the windows and doors. We've checked the outside of the house. I think Court and I might even go for a walk tonight around the neighborhood. . .just, you know, to strut our stuff a little, scare the you-know-what out of whoever might be thinking of robbing us. We're tough, you know.

Still, please say prayers if you're reading this. Because even tough girls need prayers. :)

Eeeek!

Random

2006-01-05T09:22:00.000-08:00

1) I love Thundercloud Subs. Honestly, there is nothing better. Mmmm. I pity anyone who has not devoured a lovely Thundercloud sandwich. It is delightful. Many will say (including my sissy) that the Thundercloud is not at all different from any other sub sandwich, but I dare say these people are WRONG. Come visit me and we'll go get some Thundercloud goodness. :)

2) I'm writing letters of recommendation for one of my friends, Anna, who worked with me here at the church last summer. She's 2 years younger than me and applying to divinity school. But not just any divinity school. She's applying to Harvard and Yale. So I'm writing recommendations addressed to the folks at Harvard and Yale. Puh-lease. I feel like such a dork because a) I somehow feel that my letter must meet a certain academic standard simply because of where it's going, and b) I find it very flattering yet funny that she asked me to do this--I mean, as I said, she's only 2 years younger than me. And, more than that, I'm applying to div school, too--just not at Harvard or Yale. (Though looking at their webpages through this process definitely made me think about it. I don't think those places are for me, but it'd be kinda fun to see if I could get in, huh?) Anyway, this is an interesting process that I must admit I'm enjoying. I feel so. . .official. ;) And yet, I'm practically in the same boat as her.

3) And now, my favorite quote this week so far, out of the mouth of Trishy:

"Lauren, you're not a boo whore."

Love it!

And Now, Without Further Adieu. . .

2006-01-03T18:41:00.000-08:00

I present to you: my white elephant gift from the Mayor hisself!

This lovely traffic cone greeted me on my doorstep one day a few weeks back. A UPS label was slapped on the side, addressed to the one and only: Laurey-Baby. Hey, that's me!

The cone has made its home as the centerpiece on our back porch. We spend a lot of time out here (in fact, Mayor, oftentimes I'm talking to you while on this very porch), so it gets a lot of attention. Even Sandwich the cat stares out the window at its majesty. :)

I'm sure you're all happy to see that the reflective stripes are still alive and kickin'. Obviously they weren't sacrificed during the trek from NC to Texas in who-knows-how-many UPS trucks. I wish I could've followed the cone around on its trip; for you see, it wasn't boxed or contained in any way--it was just a traffic cone travelling on its own. What you see is what I got. :)

Needless to say, I love my gift. Thank you, dear Robby. Seems our white elephant exchange was quite the hit, friends! Here's to more fun times in the future.

****

Today was spent running some errands with Court and Leah and--the best part--laying on a blanket in Zilker Park. . . reading a little, but mostly just laying there. . .giggling. . .thinking. We did entertain ourselves a bit by burning holes in cotton candy with Court's cigarettes. Those cigs go right through without any effort! Quite fun. ha ha

Back to work tomorrow. . .my break flew by so fast! I guess that's how breaks go, though.

Until next time. . .

Better Days

2006-01-01T16:14:00.000-08:00

Wow, it's 2006. Or Twenty Aught Six, however you prefer to say it. Either way, it's 80-something degrees here in Tejas, and I'm a bit bummed about the warm temp. But it was a super nice day to be outside, so I guess it's okay.

Our New Year's Eve Par-tay was fabuloso! Old friends and new congregated to celebrate and it was quite fun. I finally met Trishy's fiance and lemme tell ya, this guy is awesome. He's funny and he fits Trish so very well. . .I'm so happy for her. You know how you look at some couples and think, "I want what they have"? Yeah. That's how I feel about them. I can tell he and I will be buddies. Plus, he approves of me being in their wedding. Whew. I was worried about that one. ;)

Em, Lizzie, and Garrett came down from Arlington and the party just wouldn't have been complete without them. They made a fantastic sangria which I pretended to be drunk on. Can I get an AMEN?

Lee-lee and her friends were here, too, and they were the only ones who brought noisemakers and party hats. They were cool and obviously we were not. :)

Confidential to RWW & Cap'n Bravo: We greatly enjoyed talking with you guys!! Now if only we could make that road trip actually happen. . .

The hostesses with the mostest. . .es? Um, right.

Lee-lee (center) and friends--see how they were cooler than us? They look like they know it, too. :)

Trish and Rich. . .and Sandwich's head.

Here I am at midnight, following a tirade about men. "So I was at this bar, right?" Hopefully my readers know I'm joking. Oooh, for that matter, I hope my guests knew that, too. :)

Happy New Year to all! May 2006 be full of hope and blessed surprises!

'Cause I got nothing of my own to give to you

But this light that shines on me shines on you

And makes everything beautiful again.

~DC

A Pirate for Christmas

2005-12-26T20:08:00.000-08:00

Well, I'm back in the ATX after a lovely Christmas with the family. Tomorrow I'm off to Kerrville for the senior high gathering that I've helped plan (along with our darling Becky) for many months now. . .we're ready for it to happen! Say prayers that it goes well, but mostly that God works through the presenters, musicians, and leaders. Thanks. :)

I got a crock pot for Christmas! I was excited about that one--oh, the fun we will have with that! I'm already looking for new recipes. And I got lots of gift cards, too, which are always good. Candles, gloves, clothes. . .it was a nice Christmas. But of course, my favorite part was just being at home.

My high school friends and I always get together on Christmas night--we used to Kidnap Caroling, but now we just meet up and hang out. We had a surprise visitor this year. . .

Teddy came to hand out gifts for Festivus. I think some people were a bit freaked out by the pirate appearance, but those of us who know Teddy were lovin' it.

. . .especially me!

Besties from high school: Liz, Em, me, and Marissa

And now for some family pictures (b/c I'm obsessed with posting pics):

Me and Padre

Leah and I decided to call Mike (our stepdad) Father Christmas this year. . .or Padre Navidad, whichever we felt like at the time. We call our real dad all sorts of nicknames, so we thought Mike deserved one, too.

Off to pack and sleepy sleep! Have a great week--the New Year's party is comin' up and I'm puuumped!

Lately you've been contemplating,

"Is this real or is this fading?"

What brought you here in the first place?

~Mae

Merry Christ-a-mus to All

2005-12-22T09:52:00.000-08:00

Oh, goodness! One of our penguin pictures was copied and pasted onto someone else's blog! Under the title, "The official funniest post I have ever read on December 22nd," no less! That is awesome. Thanks, Thomas, whoever you are. . .that made me laugh.

Well, I'm home and I slept in til 11:30. Life is good. Tomorrow is Christmas Adam (or December 23rd, for those who haven't heard of our family's title for the day before Christmas Eve) and we'll do the traditional Galleria visit--one of my favorite rituals to come home to. Barrett's bringing the girlfriend home, which will be nice, but kinda weird b/c none of us has ever brought someone home for actual Christmas Day.

Dad's parrot is making gay noises. He just happened to wake me up this morning with them. Weirdo.

Have yourself a merry little Christmas, friends! Enjoy your families, relax, sleep, and eat! :)

Oh my gosh. My mom just said, "Don't you be testy, or I'll take your presents away." Yep. I'm home. And I'm 12 years old again. ;)

Love to all!

Bars, Lights, and Lullabies

2005-12-20T22:24:00.000-08:00

Tonight Carmack came to town and we went to dinner. Carmack's an old college friend of ours who now lives in North Dakota. . .I definitely miss that guy and always look forward to his visits! We tried a new bar, The Tavern on Lamar and 12th, which was actually really good. We of course took the penguins with us, as they wouldn't have it any other way.

Ping and Gwen immediately rushed to the bar and stood on it, waiting for the bartender. They obviously knew what they wanted!

The bartender, a very sweet girl, treated them just like any other customer. She did ask me and Courtney if we were on a scavenger hunt, though. Nope, we're just out with our penguins and they wanted a drink!

The guys sitting next to us at the bar were quite interested in our penguin friends. They offered Gwen a drink. . .flirting? Hmmm. . .

Whoah, slow down, Ping! Before you know it, you'll be. . .

. . .doing things you never thought you'd do with strange men at the bar! Interesting. . .though this guy was definitely cool for posing with penguins.

We had to stop at the grocery store on the way to the Hippie Lights to meet up with some friends, but no sooner had we walked in the door than. . .

. . .the 'guins managed to sneak inside the freezer! Goodness. We kinda felt sorry for them--they were obviously homesick. But then the random sacker guy had to do what we couldn't:

"Come on, guys. You know you can't stay in there." He was kind and understanding, but couldn't allow them to get too comfortable. They reluctantly came out of the freezer and we thought we'd lift their spirits by going to one of Austin's absolute best places ever:

Kerbey Lane, baby!

We concluded our evening out with a stroll through (Austin's) Central Park, which is really just a shopping center. But hey, this picture's cool. :)

********

Okay, so I'm done with the 'guins. . .for a little while, anyway. Call me immature, but my time with them is highly entertaining and definitely attracts some attention.

I'm headed to the other A-town tomorrow to hang with my fam for 4 days! Woo hoo! I'm totally not ready. . .haven't packed a single thing. I doubt I'll be out of here til evening tomorrow. But night drives are fun (as long as I'm awake!).

I took a bubble bath tonight and listened to a new song I downloaded: Goo Goo Dolls' Better Days. It's a good one. I was singing in the bathtub and Court was trying to sleep in the next room. She goes, "Lauren? Can you. . ." and I thought she was going to say, "sing a little softer?" but she said, "come in here and sing to me?" It was sweet. One of the things I love about us--we've always had little goodnight rituals throughout college and even now. . .they change a lot, but saying goodnight is always sweet and silly with us. I'm going to miss living with her. After I sang to her, we talked about how calming that is and we decided we want our husbands to sing to us every once in a while as we go to sleep. Sweet, huh? Another thing to put on my Husband Checklist. ;)

Have a beeeeautiful day. Adios, mis amigos!

So take these words and sing out loud

'Cause everyone is forgiven now

Tonight's the night the world begins again.

~GGD

Feeling Christmas-y

2005-12-20T09:52:00.000-08:00

I have "Have yourself a merry little Christmas" sung by Bing Crosby (or whoever--some male voice that's on all the Christmas movies) in my head. . .that song always reminds me of my Christmas fantasy-- walking hand-in-hand with the love of my life down the busy streets of NYC, ice skating by the Rockefeller tree (no matter how horrible we may be at it), breathing in the cold air. . .but mostly just walking together. I don't know why, but that's been in my head since who-knows-when. Probably because of all those dang romantic chick flicks based in NYC. And really, NYC is fun, but not my favorite place in the world. Yet still, my Christmas fantasy takes place there.

Someday, Lauren. Someday. :)

In other news: for all my Swankytown friends, I must announce that I have received my White Elephant gift and boy, is it entertaining (how could it not be? It's from the Mayor himself, the king of Entertainment!)! More to come.

We don't really need to find reason
'Cause out the same door that it came--
Well, it's leaving.
~Jack Johnson

We Are Marching!

2005-12-18T21:04:00.000-08:00

Goodness, what a weekend. I worked a TON (and still have more to do this week before I head home for Christmas) and played a lot to make up for it (including staying out later than I needed to, but doing silly things requires sacrifice, right? Right.) Here are some highlights. . .whether you're interested or not:

*I met my blog friend, Lanette, in person! My first internet friend--aren't you proud? :) It was very very fun and I think I'm just going to start calling her my Twin from now on. . .it seems to be our description for each other, especially now that we've met. I'm certain that there's a reason for meeting the people we meet, and I'm also pretty dang certain that we're going to be close close friends. Thank You, God, for orchestrating blessings we never would've imagined possible!

*We had our middle school Christmas Party at church on Friday night, and at the end of the party, I had them all come into the sanctuary. It was dark (intentionally) with only some candles lit. Coincidentally, the manger from the church Christmas pageant was on the altar (I'm assuming for rehearsal the next day), so the stage was set nicely for a telling of the Christmas story. I told the kids to get comfy--lay down, close their eyes, whatever--and listen to the story. Afterwards, I talked about how Jesus was their age once. One of the kids (this one's sometimes a handful) popped his head up from the ground and whispered excitedly, "Oh wow! I'd never thought of that before!" It was cool. And that's why I love my job.

*Court and I took the penguins out last night for their Austin Adventures. Their travels aren't quite finished, but we had tons o' fun. At first, I'll admit, I felt kinda weird carrying Gwen everywhere I went (mine's named Gwen and Court's is named Ping--get it? Penguin? ha), but I quickly got over it. People did look at us, but whatev. Off we go. . .

March of the Penguins: Austin Adventures

Court & Ping

Lauren & Gwen

Our first stop took us to Ross where Ping offered to buy Gwen a lovely red thong (it looks pink in this picture, but trust me, it was lovely red). Gwen declined the offer amid the jam-packed rows of lingerie that Ross is, of course, famous for.

While they played, Ping got himself stuck in a decorative cage. Gwen laughed and made fun of him from the outside. They asked us why cages exist. We explained that domestic birds (not feral penguins) are usually kept in cages. This saddened them.

We then took them to PetsMart (or is it PetSmart? I never know) next door and showed them what we meant. They gazed in awe at the caged birds, trying to fathom life in captivity. But the quickly lost interest once they waddled far enough to find the fish tanks. . .

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking, Gwen?"

Court and I looked at each other, fearful of what was coming next.

Ping took the plunge. The fish bit his beak, though. Yes, things are a bit different when you leave the Arctic, huh, guys?

"You're telling me, " Gwen retorted. "99 dollars for an igloo?? We make these things ourselves for nothin'!"

We decided to head to the Capitol building downtown. This time, the 'guins wanted to drive.

Needless to say, it was a bit scary.

We arrived safely, and the penguins struck a rather stately pose in front of the Capitol. (Don't ask us how they made it to the top of those newspaper stands.)

They wanted lots of pictures in front of the Capitol. They look so little!

Boy, did they have fun with this cannon.

Well, we can see here how Lauren plays favorites. Gwen gets a kiss while Ping lies motionless on the ground. Poor little guy.

We were flattered that they wanted a picture with us. We love our feral penguins.

On the way out of the Capitol grounds, we stopped to admire the Christmas tree. What a nice way to end the evening. Merry Christmas from Ping & Gwen!

And. . .thank you, dear reader, for being interested in the penguins' story. There are other adventures to be had, just you wait.

For now, I am headed to bed. Goodnight all!

Friday

2005-12-16T13:53:00.000-08:00

Why is it that I go shopping intending to buy for others and come home with clothes for myself? Yuck, Lauren. I swear I don't shop for myself a lot. In fact, I'm really good about it--I just get on these kicks where I do a ton of shopping, then don't for a while. I guess I'm on one of those kicks. Perfect timing, huh?

It was nice, though. Listened to Sigur Ros in the car the whole time--good stuff. I have no idea how to pronounce the band name, have no information on them (him?). . .I should look that up. I just have a CD that Nate-dawg burned for me. The music is chill and I'm most definitely a fan.

Middle School Christmas Party tonight at church. I'm sure I'll be laughing quite a bit. Thankfully, I have parents helping me out tonight. These rascals can get crazy when they're all together in one room.

This weekend is lookin' good so far--Court has decided we should take our new stuffed emperor penguins out on the town. (I bought three of them at Toy Joy a few nights ago with Becky--they're modeled after the penguins in March of the Penguins, and they are oh-so-cute. Leah, you'll have one waiting on your bed when you return!) I just might have a photo tour of their adventures posted soon. Not that anyone would care but me. . .but the ideas we have are pretty dang funny (again, probably only to me).

Have fun, friends.

P.S. to Lee-lee: I'm going to be a tattle-tale (what else is new?) and tell you that Court drank one of your Capri Suns and said, " Leah's not here to be Capri Nazi!" Then she laughed her evil laugh. :)

Christmas Parties & Such

2005-12-14T10:30:00.000-08:00

I now know why people don't drink during the middle of the workday. All I want to do is take a nap, but I'm in a brightly lit office with work spread out on my desk. I'm tired and I feel kinda weird. Let me explain before one thinks I'm drunk from some crazy lunchtime escapade. . .

I love working at a church because the members are so generous--all the time, but especially at Christmas time. They leave us little goodies on the counter by the coffee pot with notes that say, "Thanks for all you do" and we get random gift cards for local restaurants or Starbucks in our mailboxes. All because we are church staff and they love us. It's awesome. And then there are the church Christmas parties. Lots of 'em. Moms' Bible Study party was today and Alycia, Jane, and I were invited to join them for free food and, little did I know til we arrived, mimosas! I'm a sucker for mimosas and Alycia and I just grinned at each other and put our fingers to our mouths in the "Shhh!" gesture as we enjoyed our first sips. :) I only had one, and I ate quite a lot of food, but I feel really drowsy and ready for bed. And it's 12:30 pm. So, as I said, now I know why people don't (shouldn't) drink during the day. Yucky.

I have another Christmas party tonight, don't know if there will be alcohol there, but I do know that all of our significant others are invited. Now I know just last week I announced to the world wide web how lovely it is to be single. . .but I hadn't gone to any Christmas parties yet. . .and let me tell ya--this is my second Christmas in a row without a significant other and I'm kinda wishin' I had someone to do the romantic Christmas-y things with. But but BUT, rest assured that I'm not turning into the bitter single woman quite yet. I'm enjoying the fact that I don't have to worry about what to buy a boy this Christmas--besides my brother and dad, but that's not quite as hard as buying for a boyfriend or, even worse, a new boyfriend.

I've also heard this question a lot lately: "Are you ready for Christmas?" It's usually asked of a group of people ("Is everyone ready for Christmas?") and people immediately talk about how they're so not ready and they wish they had more time to buy for everyone, and their families are being uncooperative with Christmas plans, and this and that, yada yada yada. And I feel sorta the same way--I have to bring food for parties, I have to buy presents, I still have parties with the youth group coming up that need details taken care of. But my answer to this question is always YES!! I am always ready for Christmas, in more ways than one. I'm always ready for the feeling of Christmas, the decorations, the food, the getting-together-and-singing-carols-around-the-piano (which we did at the party today and it was soooo fun) things that you don't stop everything and do at any other time during the year. And really, it's not about us being ready, anyway. Jesus comes into our lives whether we're ready or not. He was born into a world that wasn't really ready at all for what He was about to bring and show and do. But He still came. And He still comes every minute, every day, whether it's December 25th or July 25th. So I guess the question "Are you ready for Christmas?" really sticks out to me. Because I listen to what others say and I think, "Who cares? Christmas is ready for you! Relax and and enjoy it."

I understand what people mean when they ask that question, and I know that when I'm a mother bustling about in the mall trying to make sure I satisfy each of my children's Christmas wishes, I'll probably answer that question with an exasperated, "No, not quite yet!" But regardless, time marches on without our help and Christmas Day will come and go just like it always has. So whether or not I get everything done, whether or not I'm ready for it doesn't change a thing.

Have a good one, and wait til Happy Hour for that drink. . .trust me on this one. :)

2005-12-13T08:26:00.000-08:00

A prison cell, in which one waits, hopes. . .and is completely dependent on the fact that the door of freedom must be opened from the outside, is not a bad picture of Advent.

~Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Gradumacation

2005-12-11T12:49:00.000-08:00

My brother graduated from UT this weekend! Woo hoo for him! It was a fun time, and a bunch of my family came to our house to celebrate. (Of course, right on cue, one of our toilets quit working last week, and there were a couple of other maintenance embarrassments. . .but everyone was excited to be here and that's all that matters. :))

And. . .in keeping with our family graduation traditions, I managed to squeeze all of our guests into one photograph. We always take one all-inclusive picture at these gatherings, and we seem to be having a lot of graduations lately!

The family and friends

Cousin & Siblings Pic

(I definitely looked pregnant in this one before I cropped it. . .ha ha!. . .bad pose choice, Lauren. )

So here's to Barrett: He's worked hard and accomplished a huge goal of his. The UT business school is one the highest-ranked in the country. Congrats, little bro!

2005-12-07T14:42:00.000-08:00

Steve's been grading confirmation quizzes--here's a hilarious "kids say the darndest things" quote:

Question--Where did Moses receive the 10 Commandments?
Answer--Mt. Cyanide

That's the highlight of my day right there.

Oh, the weather outside. . .

2005-12-07T10:37:00.000-08:00

Goodness, it's COLD today!! I love it, but I wasn't quite prepared for it.

Mmmmm. . .I think I'm going to have to sneak over to Starbucks for a peppermint mocha soon. . .I wish I could go home, pop in a movie, cuddle in a blanket, and be lazy.

Gotta Stay Fly

2005-12-06T17:09:00.000-08:00

Yesterday after work I went for a run around the neighborhood. It was refreshing. Nothing like your favorite tunes in your ear (last night it was a little bit of Coldplay, Damien Rice, and of course Ciara & Luda) to distract you from the fact that your lungs feel like ice. I have shin splints today, so that's a yucky side-effect. Hopefully this running thing will become more of a routine now that my life is somewhat back on track. I go thru phases where I'll run a lot, then all of the sudden quit for a while. So yeah. Here's to Exercise Lauren!

While running, I saw some more of those new Christmas yard decorations-- the life-size snow globe (although it's not really "life-size" at all because life-size for a snow globe would be. . .smaller. But it's human-sized, I guess) that blows fake snow around inside. Have you seen them? Trish and I first noticed them at Wal-Mart. Anyway, I think they're kinda fun. Some people I know think they're tacky. Oh, well. To each his own.

Also while running, I watched people and observed normal neighborhood happenings. Now, I've looked forward to living in a real neighborhood ever since I started living on my own. There's just something about having kids and dogs and families around that makes me happy. Of course, my dream was to be friends with all the kids on the block--I imagined them running up to me and thinking I was so cool, then I'd say, "Come on in--want some cookies?" As I'm writing this out, I sound like the Scary Lady on the block. But I swear in my head it was cool. Anyway, that hasn't happened here yet. That's okay, though. Back to the point of this paragraph: I was looking at some of the houses around here and imagining what it will someday be like to come home and curl up on the couch with my husband, talk about our day, drink a glass of wine, etc. The houses looked so warm and couple-y. It's those everyday aspects of marriage that I look forward to probably more than any other part.

Which leads me to my next recent revelation: I am so content with my life right now. While I do still long for the same things I always have--a husband and a family--the longing is definitely tempered. And the only explanation I have for that is that time is, indeed, a wonderful thing. The longer I am single, the more okay with it, the more happy with it, I am. Does it mean I have entirely stopped looking for the man of my dreams? Um, NO WAY. :) I still notice guys, still wonder where and when I'll meet Mr. Perfect-for-Me. . .yet I find myself totally okay with my single status in a way I haven't been before. It's a wonderful feeling. And as I've talked to some of my friends about it, I'm thinking it's a God thing--that it has something to do with the fact that I'm leaving TX in six months. . .what's the point of starting a relationship right now, anyway? And it's not like I'm meeting tons of prospects, either. :) In that sense, I'm looking forward to going back to school and meeting new people.

Now, I say all this at 24 years old. . .who knows what I'll be saying once I've been single for five years, the godmother to all my friends' children, still wondering when it will be my turn? But for now, I can honestly say God has worked on my heart and given me a ton of peace with where I am. And I can't complain.

And all the clouds don't ever change
the shape of who I am to You.
~JoC

It's Been Too Long

2005-12-04T20:22:00.000-08:00

Highlights from my weekend:

--> Trish's visit was a fabulous one, indeed. We laughed a lot--no surprise there. We came up with the brilliant idea of hosting a New Year's Eve Par-tay at my house with live entertainment (hopefully). The only thing I've wondered lately is whether or not I need to obtain a noise permit if we're going to have a band in our backyard. Hmmm. . .

One of the lasting impressions of Trish's visit involves another member of our household: Our other cat (Courtney's cat--I feel I must distinguish them because Simon (mine) is the best cat ever and can do no wrong) has been without a formal name since September. You can do that with cats, you know. It's easy to just call her "Kitty," although the most common names out of our mouths have been "Annoying Cat," "Stupid Annoying Cat," or other choice words following her latest annoying behaviors. But Trish took pity on Annoying Cat and deemed her Sandwich. I won't go into detail (because I don't even think I remember the whole story), but for some reason in college, we had a joke about a sandwich. Trish looked at the cat, called her Sandwich, and it stuck. We call her Sandy for short. But mostly Sandwich because it's cool. And we all agree, the name couldn't be more perfect. (BTW, Trishy-- Court said it's the only name that someone else has come up with that she's actually used more than once when referring to her cat. . .now that's impressive.)

--> Saturday I went to Gruene for some fun small-town Christmas shopping (and wine tasting) with (who else?) Miriam! I love the market days in Gruene. . .heck, I just love Gruene! It's places and times like that that I will totally miss when I'm out of Texas. :(

--> Jeremy came over Saturday evening to hang out with me and Leah. He was "kicked out" of his house since his parents were having friends over for dinner. So he called me and I told him to bring some movies and we'd order Chinese. And that we did. We watched Team America and Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle: two movies about which any friend of mine would say, "Lauren, those movies embody everything that is completely opposite of you. And you mean to tell me you enjoy them??" Why yes, for some crazy reason, I do. I crack up laughing. I feel weird and terrible for doing so. But I crack up laughing. *sigh* Good times, good times.

--> Today was the first Sunday I'd been at my church in a month. All this traveling has caused people to jokingly inquire whether or not I am still employed there. :) It was such a joy to be there today, to be back in the "routine" with the kids again. I didn't quite realize how much I'd missed them until I was greeted by them today. I played my flute this morning and people clapped! In the middle of the service! So sweet (and funny!). And for some reason, I've been speaking in a British accent a lot lately. . .but only at church. . .and only specifically with Brian, one of my kids. Every time I see him, I burst out in it. No idea why. But it makes me him laugh (and probably wonder why his youth minister is such a freak!), and I enjoy it. We talked about the season of Advent with the high school group tonight. Very cool thoughts from them. I truly missed their witty comments and silliness--I laugh so much when I'm with them. What a cool job I have!

Time for beddy bed. Hugs to all--have a marvelous week!

The world is not as just, not as loving, not as whole as we know it can and should be. But the coming of Christ and his presence among us—as one of us—give us reason to live in hope: that light will shatter the darkness, that we can be liberated from our fears and prejudices, that we are never alone or abandoned.
~some website I found with cool Advent quotes :)

Out of a Thousand Invitations. . .

2005-12-02T22:09:00.000-08:00

What are you doing New Year's Eve?

That's right. YOU. And by YOU I mean Swankertons, Cap'n, Mo, Trishy, and Twinkles. Let me tell you what we're doing and then you'll know what you're doing.

Trish and I are hosting a swanky New Year's Eve Party. . .smoking jackets not just allowed, but encouraged! We are fully aware that some of you live 19 hours away (just a guess), but you're still invited. And to those of you who live closer--well, we realize you may have other plans, but we know you'll make the right choice. ;) j/k

Anyway, this is just a brief announcement concerning the coolest upcoming New Year's Eve Party, um, ever. Formal invitations to follow. Watch your mail.

Teary-Eyed

2005-11-30T10:11:00.000-08:00

I just finished meeting with Steve and Alycia for my staff review. And there were a couple of moments when I was near tears. No, not because I was being chewed out. Because I will be leaving this place in six months, and though that seems like a long time, I know it will fly by and all of a sudden, I'll be saying goodbye. Shepherd of the Hills will be starting the hiring process soon for a new youth & family minister, which is going to be really weird for me. I want the very best for this church. When I said that to Steve, he said, "Well, you also know what we need here. . .We need you." He was kidding, of course, but it makes me cry. He said I'll always have a home here. And it really is different than if I were going to work for another church. Going to seminary is a different ballgame. It's saying, "This place has been a huge piece of my call to ministry." I honestly don't think I would be going to seminary had I not worked here first. Well, maybe, but only God knows what's up. *sigh* I'm just teary today. Dang hormones. Yes, it's the glorious phenomenon of women: yesterday I'm laughing at everything and today the slightest thing makes me cry.

I find that the great thing in this world is not so much where we stand, as in what direction we are moving.
~ Oliver Wendell Holmes

Bit o' Trivia

2005-11-29T17:11:00.000-08:00

My sister and I keep singing this song tonight. . .yes, it's annoying, but who can tell me who sings it? ;)

"I will never find another lover sweeter than you (sweeter than you).
. . .And all my life, I pray for someone like you
And I thank God that, that I finally found you
And all my life, I've prayed for someone like you
And I hope that you feel the same way, too"

Hello, junior high dances!

2005-11-29T13:44:00.000-08:00

Okay, I must add this to my list below, completely of my own accord, without the subject's request or suggestion. . .

ROB WEST IS CRACKING ME UP TODAY!!!!

Now, I'll admit, I laugh a lot at this guy. But he deserves a place on my list because today's subject is laughter. And he makes me laugh.

Laughing Out Loud

2005-11-29T11:13:00.000-08:00

I'm laughing a lot today. Here's why:

1) I watched Love Actually for like the hundredth time last night with Court and Leah and today I've been talking about it with my co-workers and laughing about all the silly parts. Some of my favorite moments: a) when Sam, the 10 year-old, tells his stepdad that the reason he's been bummed out is because he's in love. . .and the stepdad says with relief, "Oh. . .I thought it was worse than that" and Sam goes, "Worse? Worse than the total agony of being in love?" (said with a cute British accent, which I can imitate quite well, I might add--I made everyone laugh at lunch today with my rendition. ;) b) when the old rock star who's now a weird, dirty scoundrel gets on a kids' show on TV and says, "Oh yes, I have a message for you kids. Don't buy drugs. Become a rock star and they give you them for free." c) when the prime minister (Hugh Grant) goes door-to-door in search of Natalie and these three little girls dressed in princess outfits demand that he sing them a carol. . .all of a sudden, his bodyguard bursts into song behind him with a beautiful baritone voice. . .Hugh Grant looks around like, "where did THAT come from?"

And of course, some moments never cease to make me cry: a) when the guy stands at Keira Knightley's character's door and holds up the cards that say his "wasted heart will love" her forever; b) when Emma Thompson's character cries in her bedroom, then pulls it together for her children; c) the very beginning at the airport. . .the scenes of hugs and kisses always gets me.

Court was making fun of me because I kept saying, "Oh, this is my favorite part!" at pretty much every part of the movie. Okay, so I have lots of favorites. :)

2) I'm in love with my new car. Any excuse to be near it, even if it's to grab something to bring back inside, I'm almost skipping out the door and down the steps. I'm in love. Isn't this what love feels like? And it can't reject me! I must believe that it loves me, too.

3) I realize I've forgotten to share a quite funny tidbit from Guatemala that I was reminded of today: since they don't speak English in the village where we stayed, many times they wear American t-shirts and have no idea what they're advertising. For instance, one nine year-old boy ran up with a black shirt that read, "I'm a lesbian!" And another man, the sweetest, most gentle and quiet man in the village--one of the leaders of the church, I might add--proudly wore his "Pimpercrombie & B**ch" shirt for all to see.

4) We decorated for Christmas at our house last night. Except that all the ornaments and lights on the tree were strewn everywhere by this morning. Dang cats threw some sort of party while we were asleep. It's actually kinda funny, though. Hence the reason it gets included in my "things that make me laugh today" list.

So here's to laughter! Some days we just don't do it enough. . .

I Love Johnny!

2005-11-27T12:56:00.000-08:00

Mom, Leah, and I went to see Walk the Line yesterday. Oh my goodness. Fabulous. And I will go ahead and admit something embarrassing (and hilarious) to all of you in blog-world: when I saw the previews on TV for this movie, I said to my sister, "Oh, that's about Elvis, right?" What a nerd. My mom cracked up when I told her this, so during the movie, I joked with her, "Why do they keep calling Elvis 'John'?" To be honest, I didn't know much about Johnny Cash (really, Lauren?), but now I'm probably annoying to all true Johnny Cash fans because I all-of-a-sudden love the guy. I came to my dad's house afterwards and we got out his old Johnny Cash records. . .fun stuff. That movie was so good. Again, I probably loved it because I didn't really know much about him and his life. . .but still. I loved it. And it doesn't hurt that I love Joaquin Phoenix and Reese Witherspoon, too.

Last night a bunch of us celebrated Teddy's birthday. . .I saw some people from high school I hadn't seen in like 6 years. Crazy. We went to Fox & Hound, then to Cowboys. If you know Cowboys, you're probably laughing right now. I still am. It's basically the only dance club in Arlington and, hence the name, quite country. Lots of drunk cowboys. . .and us. We were out on the dance floor quite a bit, which was really fun. I was out til 2:30 am, which is quite late for little Lauren. But no regrets here.

Headed back to the ATX tomorrow sometime. Until next time, my friends. . .

Interested?

2005-11-25T10:40:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving leftovers are almost better than the original meal. Mmmmmm.

The latest Death Cab CD, Plans, is absolutely fabulous. Get it.

I have much work to do. . .let's hope it gets done in the midst of hanging out with old friends and being lazy this break. What was I thinking? I never get work done while I'm home.

I wish we could open our eyes
To see in all directions at the same time.
~DCfC

Indescribable

2005-11-24T09:23:00.000-08:00

I got a car!!! After months of searching and e-mailing dealers in Austin and Dallas (my Dad is the coolest Dad ever for helping me out with this), I finally found one to buy. As of yesterday, I am the proud owner of a black 2005 Honda Civic. Yeah baby.

Here comes responsibility. Yes, my friends, this is the first car I've ever bought for myself. My name on the title. My money for the payments. Me. I've been incredibly blessed in the past with a good car to drive. And finally, the time has come for me to purchase my own. Right before I go to seminary. ha ha But my other car has been costing me a lot lately for maintenance here-and-there, so it's time for another one! And I'm sooooo excited. Again, thanks to Dad for helping me. He's the best.

Perfect segueway into my "I'm thankful for. . ." list:

1) My family--Mom, Dad, Mike, Barrett, Lee-lee, Byron, and numerous pets between the households. . .as we grow and the years continue to fly by, it's ever more amazing to me how blessed I am to be a part of this family. It's the one group in my life I can't choose. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

2) My friends--too many to list, but you know who you are. And if you're unsure whether or not you're on my list, rest assured that you probably are. :) I've often said to friends that laughing is my best (and often only) workout. . .therefore I attribute my healthiness to my friends --sometimes the mere thought of you can bring a smile to my face. What would we do without friends?

3) My job, my life in Austin, my future ahead of me--lots of wonderful times this past year and lots of changes coming up in the next. . .I'm thankful that things keep changing and that I don't feel "stuck" with where I am right now. My kiddos keep me guessing, laughing, and questioning that which I thought I knew. My co-workers are the best ever. I have come to recognize how much I love ministry and was indeed created for church work--and I'm not just okay with that, I'm excited about it! Thanks be to God for showing me new things.

4) Our God--though I question some things, complain about many things, wonder "why" way too often, try to hide the true Lauren from the world and be who I am not. . .Every day, You're the same. . .You never change. . .No, Never. (DC) All I can say is not enough--THANK YOU.

May the turkeys be yummy, may the naps be many and restful, may the hugs be comforting, may your tummies be full. And even as our tummies are full, let us remember those whose tummies are empty. May we not just be thankful for what we have, but be bold enough to give what we have to others.

Happy Thanksgiving!

***
I just realized that I started out this post talking about my new car and ended with remembering those who don't have what we have. How do we keep perspective? It's tough stuff, but we gotta keep trying.

Jump!

2005-11-21T21:49:00.000-08:00

Nashville was WONDERFUL! I love the Youth Specialties conventions. . .great worship, my favorite Christian artists, fabulous people (including random run-ins with an old high school friend and a new friend up in Dallas!), incredible time for rest and rejuvenation. It was great great great. And now I get to go home for Thanksgiving! Sooooo ready!!

Hugs to all. Goodnight.

I'm waiting for the world to fall
I'm waiting for the scene to change
I'm waiting when the colors come
I'm waiting to let my world come undone.
~JoC

Yay for Birthday Parties!

2005-11-15T13:23:00.000-08:00

After a lovely dinner at the Cheesecake Factory to celebrate my b-day, some of the girls and I went out to Sixth Street. We went to Exodus, an 18-and-up club (so Lee-lee could come with us) and it was empty when we got there. Empty. Plus, they were playing 80s music. I was excited, anyway, because I just pretended that we rented out the whole club for my birthday. :) After we talked to the DJ and requested booty music, crazy fun ensued. And more people showed up, including some people who kept us out til the bar closed! :) Here are some pics to commemorate the evening. I love my friends.

The group @ Cheesecake Factory. Court looks pissed off--lol. I was intent on ordering "at least 5 cheesecakes, guys." Em wisely convinced me that three would be plenty. So I ordered three different forms of chocolately cheesecakes. What can I say--I'm a chocoholic.

"Paige, I'm so glad you came to my birthday party. You really do love me, don't you?"

Leah, me, and Em on one of the cows by Amy's Ice Cream. You should've seen how ridiculous we looked gettting on that thing.

Yes, Court and I danced on the stage. No, I only had one beer. The bartender joked with Em, "No more drinks for her (meaning me). She's drunk." Em tried to explain that this is how I am, um, all the time. But whatever. My goal is to make my friends (and, subsequently, myself) laugh. And I definitely succeeded last night.

*******

Shout-out to Em:

I always have the best time with you. I know I always say this, but your visits are so very fun. Thanks, girl, for everything. You made this birthday very memorable. Best friends. . .since sixth grade, for forever.

God can do anything, you know--far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams!

~Ephesians 3:20 The Message

Still Celebrating

2005-11-13T20:36:00.000-08:00

1 day, 10 hilarious kids, 5 birthday song choruses, 15 voicemails, 5 cards, 1 e-card, 1 (surprise!) visit from Daddy-o, 1 visit from best friend in the whole wide world, 1 two-layer cake of yumminess, and too-many-to-count hugs later. . .

And I'm a happy 24 year-old chica. (And I haven't even had my party yet!!)

Love is all around you.

Traces of Dirt

2005-11-11T10:41:00.000-08:00

You could say Jesus never really left the earth--

He just took up residence in each of us.

(author unknown)

Our church decided two years ago to "adopt" a rural church in northern Guatemala. This church is a new Lutheran Church, formed by the Mayan villagers of the community of Aurora Ocho de Octubre. The congregation still maintains many of its Catholic roots--in fact, the name of the church is Virgen del Rosario, or Virgin of the Rosary Lutheran Church. Not a common Lutheran church name. :) These people work hard. They struggle. Hurricane Stan coupled with a bad year has destroyed many of their crops. They rely on their crops for income and, of course, food. And through the struggles, they worship together in their new church, eager to grow in members and honor God in all they do. Our purpose for being there was not to do anything necessarily, as in a project or some physical task. Instead, we simply spent time with our brothers and sisters, living the life they live (if only for a week), hiking through the rainforest with them to see their farmland, worshipping with them, and just loving them. Of course, we do help them financilly, but mostly in the form of loans that they are expected to pay back when they can. Five days of our trip were spent with these people. . .half of the trip, but the majority of our reason for going, as well as the majority of meaningful moments and memories.

It's hard to re-adjust. I'm constantly thinking of how to keep this experience with me. I still find traces of dirt under my fingernails--a subtle yet still powerful reminder of my life one week ago. I hope the dirt stays there for while. I need the reminder when I'm in line at Starbucks. I need the reminder when I'm in the grocery store choosing among the numerous brands of soda pop and snacks. I need the reminder when I pull out the credit card for a $40 outfit that I just "gotta have." I need the reminder even while I'm sitting here looking at the computer screen, blogging and instantly able to communicate with friends from all over the U.S. (and elsewhere). I long to constantly be reminded because I'm deeply afraid of forgetting.

I'm afraid of forgetting what it felt like to sleep on a wooden platform every night, and how I surprisingly grew comfortable with it by the end (when you're tired, you can sleep on anything!). I'm afraid of forgetting the smells of the rainforest. I'm afraid of forgetting the sound of the children chanting "Lorena!" over and over as I trudged up a slippery, muddy hill to greet them. I'm afraid of forgetting Ana's ringing laughter, Sylvia's toothy grin, Angel's gentle demeanor, Anastacio's enthusiasm. I'm afraid to forget. And I know these experiences will surely fade in my memory--it's impossible for them to remain so fresh as time goes by. But I believe writing this down may help when I miss them most. . .

I want to remember:

The pain--in the eyes of the people of Ocho de Octubre over division in their church; in their voices as they sang and spoke of their hardships--loss of crops, hunger, back-breaking work to bring home food for their families; in their faces as they expressed fear that the difficulties in the church may keep us, their friends, from returning to visit them again.

The laughter--from children as they played and tried to teach me Guatemalan games and corrected my Spanish; from adults as they spoke in Qe'chi (the Mayan language of the community) to each other, sharing small joys and admiring their children at play; from our own mission group, with one another, as we slipped and fell on slick clay mud, guarded the place where we shohwered from the curious little ones, and made our best attempts to communicate (one of the highlights was, of course, my own mess-up: After dinner one night, I said to my new friend Anastacio, "No tengo hombre," thinking I was telling him that I wasn't hungry. A slight change of the word to "hambre" and I would have been correct. Alas, I began to laugh immediately because I realized I said, "I don't have a man." Which, I pointed out to our group, is as true as the intended statement. :)).

The beauty--of the Guatemalan forest; of winding roads through the mountains; of bright-colored fabrics at the market; of the Guatemalan people.

The novelty--of living with and observing traditional Mayan dress and culture; of new smells and colorful flowers; of new tastes, like coconut milk and nibbling on azucar (sugar cane) in the rainforest.

The whisper of a call--from God, to my heart, still nebulous and faint, yet stirring me to wonder just what He's got in mind for me. . .

Pictures follow. Thanks for reading! I still don't feel that I captured all of it, but how can you when there's so much to bind up in words?

*****

In other news, I'm headed to Chrysalis in a few hours with my kiddos. My birthday is tomorrow and, while there are several things that are currently attempting to put a damper on my celebration, I just won't have it! So there! :) I seem to have brought home a not-so-fun souvenir in my intestines (sorry if that grosses you out--I'm a blunt one), but it's getting better thanks to medicine that kicks lil' bacteria butt. I got my hair cut this week and looooove it. And Em's coming for 2 days to chill and celebrate my b-day. Good things, good things. I hope there are good things with all of you, as well.

Dios bendiga.

2005-11-11T10:38:00.000-08:00

Our mission group--what fun peeps! Who knew you could have so much fun with a bunch of adults? :)

2005-11-11T10:37:00.000-08:00

"Welcome, visitors from the United States!" Such a warm greeting from the people of Aurora Ocho de Octubre.

2005-11-11T10:29:00.000-08:00

This is Byron. He's a drummer. He's really cute. :)

2005-11-11T10:28:00.000-08:00

The chicken coop on the left is something we helped them buy materials for last year. Now the women of the village have a business selling chickens to the community. We bought a couple from them for lunch one day. The women offered us the magnificent opportunity of watching them ring the chickens necks and pluck them. I declined. But it definitely made me think of where my food comes from. . .

2005-11-11T10:26:00.000-08:00

Ohhh, the incense. Torfilio just loves being in charge of that incense. American Lutherans don't really use incense. But the Mayan Lutherans most definitely do. This is a worship service in their church--very bright nd colorful.

2005-11-11T10:23:00.000-08:00

Playing games with the kids. They have fun games down there!

2005-11-11T10:22:00.000-08:00

At the "sacred rock" in the middle of the rainforest. We were invited to join the people of the village for a traditional Mayan sacrifice, which seemed to be a prayer for the crops and welfare of the people. It looks like my sleeve is on fire.

2005-11-11T10:09:00.000-08:00

Babies were almost always carried around like this, either by their mother, grandmother, or even 10 year-old sister.

2005-11-11T10:07:00.000-08:00

Marcian chopping firewood (yes, that's a machete--those things are tools for these people, even little kids walk around with machetes! They clear their way through the forest with them when there's no path. I seriously felt like I was on National Geographic. :))

2005-11-11T10:04:00.000-08:00

Carrying the firewood home with all the weight on his head. And this he must do every single day.

2005-11-11T10:02:00.000-08:00

Lauren tries to carry a jug of water on her head like the other (much younger) girls do. It hurt. She was a wimp.

2005-11-11T10:01:00.000-08:00

It's a piece of cake for her! Uphill! And usually with no hands!

2005-11-11T10:00:00.000-08:00

Lauren drinks coconut milk (and enjoys it!)

2005-11-11T09:58:00.000-08:00

laundry day at the river

2005-11-11T09:57:00.000-08:00

Typical village dwelling

2005-11-11T09:56:00.000-08:00

Anastacio and his son, Edgar (cutie!)

2005-11-11T09:55:00.000-08:00

Regina and Sylvia (see what I meant about her sweet toothy grin?)

2005-11-11T09:53:00.000-08:00

You can see the skyline from El Mirador, revealing the difference between where the poor live and where the "rest" live.

2005-11-11T09:51:00.000-08:00

one of the streets in El Mirador, a part of Guatemala city where we visited a new Lutheran church

2005-11-11T09:47:00.000-08:00

The little girl in the yellow dress was chasing pigeons on the square in Guatemala City. The lady on the right was wearing her items for sale, trying to find buyers. Very busy part of the city.